


Maybe someday  (reality will catch you off guard)

by Nickelback21



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Actress AU, Clarke and Lexa are actresses, Clexa, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fame, Finn Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nickelback21/pseuds/Nickelback21
Summary: Well, I'm tired of pretending, but I'm terrified of it ending.I know if not for you there's nothing I could do, to ever let it end.And I know you feel the same way, because you told me drunk on your birthday.And as you pulled me near, whispered in my ear, don't ever let it end.Don't let it end.Don't let it end.Don't ever let it end.-"Don't ever let it end" NickelbackClarke and Lexa are actresses and play a gay couple in their TV-show. Turns out that both of them don't allow themselves to actually like it, even if they do. They have to stay professional. Or at least they say they have to.Then their boss comes around with an idea that both of them are definitely enjoying a little bit too much. But they tell themselves it is just for show.How long can they play this game?





	1. Every day's business

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends!  
> This is a story whose plot I was scribbling down during a vacation with far too much time to kill, but I really liked the idea of this and once I returned home, I started writing the chapters.
> 
> It's kind of an experiment, but hey, experiments are able to turn out well and I think this one kind of did.
> 
> There are still a lot of flaws but I would write best-sellers if my works were flawless. The imperfection doesn't change the fact that I like to share my ideas with you.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated. If you have comments on the plot or questions, just let me know. I'll answer them if possible.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Nickelback21

 

_Elyza inched carefully closer to Alicia. The brunette stood on a cliff and watched the waves crashing down and Clarke could basically feel her small smile._

 

_This was one of the rare moments of peace in this world. It felt like it was only hours ago, that this was completely normal. Being able to turn your back to the whole scenery without having to fear being attacked and killed._

 

_But now? Now this was basically impossible. There was nearly no place in this country that was safe. You always had to watch what was behind you. If you were followed or if everyone from your group was still with you._

 

_This moment was special. The cliff was a small safe haven with no threats._

 

_Slowly she approached the brunette who was staring at the sea. She wrapped her arms around her from behind and kissed her neck._

 

_The brunette sighed und Elyza could feel her leaning into the touch. There were no words, there was no need to speak any._

 

_They stood there for a while, a short while probably, but it felt like an eternity. Their breathing was in sync while they were both watching the thunderous waves crashing into the rock of the cliff._

 

_Then Alicia turned around and Elyza got lost in her green eyes. The brunette brushed a strand of blonde hair behind Elyza's ear and gently moved her hand to the nape of the blondes neck. Both of them leaned in until their lips were gently touching._

 

_This is perfect. Elyza thought. It truly was._

 

_When they changed the angle, their noses were brushing slightly and they both felt the others smile on their lips._

 

_Could she describe how she was feeling right now? No, not really. There were no words for it. At least none that would be enough. Amazing and incredible were probably fitting in some way, but they weren't enough. Not enough for the way her stomach made flips and the way her knees almost buckled. No. There were no words for it._

 

_She had wanted this all along. Ever since she met her. Ever since she got the chance to know this beautiful, on the inside and out, human being in this cruel world._

 

_For this moment the cliff was their safe haven, but in the long stretch, it was the brunette that made her feel safe and loved. In the long stretch it was Alicia. It had always been._

 

_They separated and connected their foreheads, both smiling like fools, both so incredibly happy._

 

_And then..._

 

„And cut!“ Their director's voice cut through the scene and they separated. „Great work! This looked amazing.“

 

Lexa nodded and smiled at Clarke who was offering her hand for a high-five. „Good job.“ The blonde said then and smiled.

 

„Thanks. You too. I think this take was definitely the best one.“ Lexa offered while they both started walking towards their rooms on set. They had a break until two other scenes were ready, which would most likely take a couple of hours, so they could take a nap or check social-media, whatever they wanted.

 

„Yeah. They'll use most of that one for the final scene, I guess. But, honestly, I am a little afraid that the graphic designers might fuck up the CGI shenanigans. Remember the scene with the tower? The sky just looked weird.“ The blonde laughed at the memory of one of the first episodes of season one.

 

The scene was set at one of Washington's skyscrapers and seriously? The sky looked more fake than some of the CGI effects at low-budget productions. And here they were at the set of a high-budget series. Really, the amount of money Marcus Kane, their executive producer, writer and director of some episodes, got from the network was insane.

 

„I remember it vividly. My face looked like is was framed by some kind of weird blue-white stuff. And animating a whole ocean plus the cliff? Well that is much more difficult. But I think they replaced that guy for the second season.“ Lexa said.

 

„I sure hope so. They can't fuck this scene up. It's really important and there should be nothing people would laugh about. Representation had been screwed up so many times in the past, this has to be positive.“ She meant every word of it. There are so many shows running now that didn't pay real attention to the importance of representing LGBT community. A lot of queer characters are killed or have never gotten the chance to become an important character. They are written of as sideline plots that are not important.

 

Their show now showed potential to become different. With Lexa's character, the main character of the show, Alicia being bisexual and Clarke's character that had been introduced during the first season being bisexual, too, there is a big stage for representation.

 

And seriously, it's so rare that bisexual characters end up with a partner of the same sex in modern TV that this truly is a gift.

 

Both Alicia and Elyza had had some male flings during the show, but none of it was really serious. Now their writers came up with their storyline and everything makes perfect sense.

 

„Yeah, we deserve some positiveness.“ Lexa mumbled.

 

They had already talked about this and Clarke knew that Lexa was gay and vice versa Lexa knew that Clarke was bisexual. They bonded somehow over it and it made them to some extent friends.

 

They were not thick as thieves but they definitely were friends.

 

Together they walked towards the area were their rooms were, but then Clarke turned around.

„Are you hungry? Craft is right around the corner and your raspberry chapstick really made me hungry.“ Clarke laughed. „No offense, of course. It tasted delicious.“ She said with a wink that made them both laugh.

 

It really had felt great to kiss her. When they first read the script she had been afraid that this would end weird, because they were already friends, but it didn't. At least not up until now.

 

„I thought so. I didn't want to taste gross, since we are already on set for ten hours and we didn't have a break were I could brush my teeth. Sorry for that by the way.“ Lexa laughed and shook her head.

 

„The chapstick made it impossible to notice that. You are a great kisser by the way.“ The statement made Lexa smirk.

 

 _Of course you already know that._ Clarke thought with an eye-roll. This was so Lexa.

 

„You too. So craft now?“ The brunette asked and Clarke nodded.

 

Her stomach was already growling when they entered the small craft-service area were the food for the whole crew was stored. It was neither breakfast nor lunch or dinner-time, so they had to be satisfied with some snacks like chocolate bars, other unhealthy food or fruit.

 

By now Clarke knew exactly that Lexa would simply eat an apple or a banana while she would end up with definetely too much chocolate and chips. This just the way it always turned out.

 

She bit back a comment and they ate in silence in Clarke's room. She had a gigantic and comfy couch that almost occupied half of the small room. The other half was filled with the closet that contained all of the outfits for the week with fitting signs what she had to wear when, a fridge, microwave and a small desk with chair. Her room always was some kind of a mess, but she knew exactly what was laying where.

 

Her phone buzzed and she choked on her last bit of chocolate-bar.

 

Lexa scooted over to her from her side of the couch and gently patted her back. „Is there somebody jumpy?“ She asked teasingly and Clarke rewarded her with an outstretched middle finger.

 

When she calmed down, Lexa's hand stayed on her back, but she didn't mind. She checked the massage she got.

 

„Marcus texted me. He told us to meet him in his office at 9.30 pm.“ She read the time on her phone. It was 9.15 pm.

 

„Well, thats in fifteen minutes. We better get going. His office on the other side of the studio.“ Lexa said and moved to get up.

 

It was only then that Clarke realized that she missed the warm hand on her back.

 

„Coming?“ The brunette asked and tilted her head to her right side. Clarke snapped back into reality and nodded.

 

They walked over to Kane's office and chatted mindlessly about the coming scenes that they had to shoot. Some of them involved kissing, but most of them running or fighting with their stunt-actors that are playing the zombies.

 

When they arrived, they still had five minutes left. „I'm so jealous that you get to work with the MG. I always wanted to do that!“ Clarke said when they started speaking of the next scene Lexa was about to shoot.

 

„It's cool, I guess, but you got the sledgehammer in the last episode.“ The brunette whined. They had had an similar conversation back then only with reversed roles.

„Perks to being a badass motorcycle driving woman on the show. Oh and don't forget these awesome sunglasses!“ Clarke squealed. She had loved her character's sunglasses since the beginning and she may or may not have taken one or two pair of these with her...but there were at least fifteen of them, so it bothered no one.

 

„But I'm the main character! The sledgehammer should be my weapon.“ Lexa whined, but she couldn't conceal the little laugh that escaped her lips.

 

„Maybe we'll both get our chance at some point.“ Clarke shrugged. She really wanted to work with an MG. She did it on her previous show and it had been so much fun. Not that weapons generally were a good thing, they definitely were not, but on set it was fun working with them.

 

The door opened and Marcus popped his head out of it. „Great, you made it on time. Please come in.“ Her opened the door further and went back to his seat behind a much too large desk with far too many papers and folders on it. He gestured towards two empty chairs across from him.

 

They both sat down and waited for their boss to say what he wanted. Both girls were sure, that this couldn't be something bad. Their acting was rather good in the last couple of episodes and otherwise they didn't got any negative headlines or something like that.

 

„I wanted to talk to the both of you about something,“ Clarke had to fight the urge of rolling her eyes. As if it hadn't been obvious that he had something to say. She bit back a comment and simply nodded like Lexa.

 

„I talked with some of our networks promotional managers. They had an idea regarding our show's promotion.“ He paused and looked them both in the eyes. „When we wrap filming, we are going on a promo-tour. So far nothing new, but here is the thing. At first is had been planned that we would take just Lexa as the lead-character and Wells as one of the youngest directors in TV history with us. So at interviews it would just be the three of us, but they changed the plans. Clarke, they want you to accompany us, too, since your characters are going to get together on the show and the LGBTQ community is really supportive and loyal. What are you thinking?“ Marcus stroked his beard and watched her carefully.

 

This was really short-dated. The promo-tour will start in three weeks, two days after they wrapped filming the last episode of season two. But she hadn't planned anything besides maybe going on a small road trip on her own. But that was something she could always do. There was plenty of time and promo-tours are always fun.

 

„I am in.“ She said and smiled.

 

„Great. This will be a great benefit. Now that we're already talking about the tour. I'd like to explain exactly what you are allowed to say and what not. The first list is definitely longer.“

 

 

 


	2. Practice?

 

* * *

 

 

The next days of filming went smoothly. Here and there they shared a scene, but there was nothing too spectacular.

 

Until the table-read for the new episode which they would start filming on Monday. Table-read day was always Friday, so that the actors had enough time to learn the scripts of their scenes. At least so they wouldn't have to stammer their way through the scenes. They could always reread it between the takes, but generally, they had to learn them.

 

Lexa did this all the time. She knew her text perfectly and not only halfway, but that didn't stop her from improvising in some takes. When she would do that, it was most likely something that seemed more fitting for the situation than that what their writers had written.

 

Most times, it was the better choice.

  
The new script contained a steamier scene between Elyza and Alicia, but otherwise there was nothing too spectacular, but hey, there was nothing that could surprise her anymore. The writers had talked and discussed every plot-twist with her as soon as they were finished with it.

 

When they left the room, Clarke pulled her aside into one of the empty offices. She furrowed her eyebrows at the action, but waited for the blonde to explain.

 

„Sorry. I, um wanted to ask you something.“ She looked a little embarrassed but otherwise Lexa really couldn't read what was going on in her colleagues mind.

 

„You could have just asked me to come with you instead of dragging me into an office, but okay. What's up?“ She asked while rubbing her forehead. Clarke could have simply asked, but what was she thinking? This was Clarke Griffin. A person without any real personal borders, so yeah.

 

„It's about the scene where we make out...I don't like it.“ She sounded insecure and looked onto the ground.

 

„Why?“ Lexa's voice sounded more bothered than she intended. Was Clarke saying that she was uncomfortable with it or what did that mean? It couldn't have a homophobic background, because then she would insult herself...so what was this about?

 

„I don't like it. The writers made it look too violent. It almost seems as if Elyza is raping Alicia, don't you think?“

 

Now Lexa's eyebrows shot up. She had thought the same thing about that scene, but just rolled with it. But now that she thought about it a second time...she really hated that scene, too. Their characters relationship was still so new and fresh, that something like that would give it a negative background. The scene seemed forced and without the beauty the scene of their first kiss had had.

 

„Yeah. Its unfitting.“ She simply said with a shrug. That hit the nail on the head.

 

„Then lets change it. Make it gentler so that it carries more meaning. Not just simple, stupid make-out.“ The blondes blue eyes held a small glint in them and Lexa got lost for the shortest of moments.

 

 _This is not the time._ She mentally scolded herself for her small slip.

 

„And what do you think might make it gentler? I mean there are plenty of possibilities that are better than Elyza yanking Alicia around a corner and pinning her to a cars hood, but I want to hear what your ideas are.“ Clarke said with a small wink and smile.

 

This was a good question. What should they change? They don't have much possibilities given the fact that the scene has already been written, but they are allowed to make subtle changes, right?

 

„Well. I think, too, that this wouldn't create the right impression of them as a new couple. It would look like it was out of pure sexual attraction and not due to the fact that both of them really care for the other one deeply. How about...um, you taking my hand...“ She was thinking and therefor not really able to compensate or realize what Clarke was doing right now.

 

The blonde had taken her hand.

 

„Okay, lets pretend that this desk here is the corner. Do you mean like this?“ Lexa could feel a gentle tug of her hand. Clarke was leading her around the desk and threw a small glance over her left shoulder.

 

„Yes. Maybe then...instead of you pushing me onto the hood, you could give me a gentle nudge into the direction, so I will sit down. Then...that would be the moment were you could grab the collar of my flannel gently,“ Again, Clarke did as Lexa had just told her and gently shoved her to the desk. Lexa leaned against it looked into the girls eyes who just held the collar of her button-up.

 

„Then I would slowly pull you close...like this.“ Clarke murmured, while minimizing the space between the two of them.

 

Lexa's breath immediately sped up and she was looking down to the blonde's lips.

 

 _That's a natural reaction when somebody is that close to you._ She told herself. She wasn't allowed to think anything else.

 

„Then we'll start kissing slowly, but intense...with increasing pace.“ Lexa mumbled under her breath while she looked into the blonde's blue eyes and gave a small nod. She had read in Clarke's face, what she was thinking right now.

 

_Practice?_

 

Because that was what it was. Practice. Their first kiss didn't really require any of this, but a make out scene was different. She already did this a couple of times, so nothing new.

 

Hell, she even had to do a kissing scene with Clarke's current boyfriend, Finn.

 

This was definitely easier given the fact that she was used to kissing woman (who by the way really put a second thought into their appearance with using mouthwash and that kind of stuff not like her male colleagues she had kissed on set) not men.

 

Clarke leaned further in, while Lexa placed her hands around the blonde's waist.

 

This is acting, nothing else. This is her job, nothing else. There couldn't be something else than that.

 

Their lips connected and Lexa was ripped out of her daze. She put all of her concentration into this kiss. They started off slowly as if testing the waters, but the kiss grew more heated by every second. Lexa found herself grazing her tongue over Clarke's lower lip. Silently asking for entrance, which Clarke offered.

 

This definitely hadn't been necessary in a simple practice-kiss, but Clarke didn't step away, so she just went with it.

 

They kissed for another few seconds, before they separated. Both somewhat panting, but also both really pleased with how this scene will turn out.

 

„This is so much better than the scene from the script. And the basic elements are still there. The car is there, the corner, me tugging at your flannel. So they don't have anything to complain about.“ Clarke said as soon as she recovered.

 

Lexa nodded in agreement. „This will be great.“ She simply said and started moving towards the door.

 

„Let's call it a night. Any party to attend?“

 

Clarke shuffles through her apartment, seeking her keys. She grumbled in frustration when she couldn't find them at their ordinary space.

 

It was Monday morning and she had an early crew call today. A glance on the small clock in the kitchen told her that it was already quarter past five. If she wanted to make it on time, she had to leave now.

 

„Let's hope the dumbass is at home when I return.“ She sighed, referring to Finn, her boyfriend who was still soundly asleep in their shared bedroom. They moved together a couple of months ago, since they'd been dating for almost three years now. It had been a logical move.

 

She let out a small groan of frustration and stepped out of the door. That was definitely the most stupid idea she ever had, but she really was leaving her apartment without a key. She had no other choice, because if she would wait the traffic will slow her down and she would be late. Both something she definitely didn't want to have to go through.

 

While racing down the stairs she typed a short massage to Finn. He should text her if he was at home when she came back or not.

 

If not, she would have to sleep on her couch in her small prep-room, but that was still better than the stairs in front of the building.

 

She fished in her pocket for the key of her car and let out a groan of frustration when she remembered putting it onto the same key-chain as her apartment-key.

 

„This is just great.“ She grumbled and grabbed her phone to call herself a cab. She couldn't risk to be late again. The speech Marcus would give her probably would kill the last bit of positive mood she got.

 

After calling a cab, she dialed Lexa's number. At least someone had to know that she would most likely be late.

 

„ I, um, am kinda late. At first I had to search the whole apartment for my key, which I haven't found yet by the way. And then I realized, that the key for my car is attached to the key I lost and now I am standing in the curb in front of my apartment and am waiting for a cab that hopefully shows up.“ She took a deep breath after she finished that monster of an explanation.

 

„Good morning, you, too. But considering the circumstances, should I rather say bad morning?“ She knew that it was impossible, but Clarke was sure she could hear the brunette smirk.

 

„Sorry...good morning, Lexa. You already on set?“ She asked unnecessarily. Lexa always was one of the first to appear at work. Sometimes even before Marcus, therefor the answer, she got, took Clarke by surprise.

 

„No. I had something to deal with. Bad morning for the both of us, I'd say. Anyway, cancel your cab, I'll pick you up with my motorcycle.“ Lexa sounded really sincere. In any other situation, Clarke may have laughed and thought that this was a joke, but right now? Right now Lexa was her knight in shining armor.

 

„I'll be there in five.“ Lexa simply added and hung up.

 

Clarke swiftly called the cab service and told them that she didn't need the drive anymore. After that she simply waited for a bike appearing in the street to pick her up.

 

In a normal life, her boyfriend would probably drive her or at least would have helped her seeking her keys, but this was Finn. He was most likely still soundly asleep, since he had only grumbled when she got up. She had always had the dream that he would get up with her and make her coffee while she would get ready for the day, but what was she thinking? Finn probably had never thought about getting up with her.

 

She was ripped out of her train of thoughts when a loud engine came roaring down the street. A black motorcycle with dark blue details came to a halt just in front of her. Lexa, sitting on this bike, offered her a helmet and motioned for her to get onto the bike.

 

They didn't have a lot of time.

 

Clarke swung her leg over the saddle and grabbed Lexa's waist. „Ready?“ The driver asked while turning her head somewhat in her direction. Not that this was entirely possible because of the helmets.

 

„Yeah, let's be on time.“ She shouted over the sound of the engine and only moments later they shot forward. Lexa bent forward too to minimize the wind resistance, which led to Clarke leaning forward, too and nearly laying on Lexa's back by now. It didn't matter to her, at least they were going to be on time.

 

* * *

 

 


	3. Unexpected friend

 

Lexa smirked when she felt the tight grip Clarke had on her waist. It made her increase the speed a little bit more, but everything within legality.

 

They reached the studios parking lot just six minutes after Lexa had picked up her blonde passenger. „Thank you for the ride.“ Clarke mumbled. It was obvious to Lexa that the blonde was somehow shocked, but all in all really liked the ride.

 

„No problem. Your apartment is on my way, so I don't really mind.“ She offered with a small smile. There were other reasons why she didn't mind, but she didn't even allow herself to think that way. She had to be professional.

 

But being friends wouldn't hurt, would it?

 

„I might need that favor sometime again in the future. My dumbass boyfriend lost my keys again, like, well, almost every day.“ They started walking towards the building where the first meeting would be before they started shooting. „I already told you half of the story.“ Lexa raised an eyebrow at Clarke's groan of frustration.

 

„Half of it?“ She asked. It really wasn't her place to ask, but somehow she felt like the two of them were getting along pretty great and that Clarke might tell her. If there was something bugging the blonde, maybe Lexa could help her. If only through talking.

 

„Yeah, well. My relationship with Finn...I don't know. We've been together for three years now and I really thought that with him moving in with me...things would finally proceed, but somehow they never did. He doesn't even get up with me to drink a cup of coffee. I mean today, I can understand, but he doesn't even wish me a good day when we have call at eight. He has always been the safe choice, but...“ Clarke trailed off. Lexa had simply listened to her rambling without interrupting the blonde.

 

Probably that was something she had on her mind for a long time now. She had to get it out.

 

„I am sorry. I didn't want to ramble about this. Honestly, I'm not really sure why I told you, but thank you for listening.

 

„Don't apologize for speaking about your feelings. I asked you an I am glad that you told me whats on your mind,“ She hesitated. Was she allowed to tell Clarke what she thought about it? They weren't friends, were they? „Maybe you should talk to him...tell him what you expect from him. If he really loves you, he will do that for you. As long as it is possible, of course.“

 

Clarke looked at her with a puzzled expression on her face and Lexa felt exactly like the blonde looked. She really wasn't in the place to give relationship-advice since her last relationship was during high-school. A couple of years ago.

 

„That's the thing....“ Clarke spoke up, but then hesitated. They reached their destination and that put an immediate halt to the conversation. „I'll tell you after the meeting. I saw the plan and we have most of our shoots early afternoon and evening. Unless you don't want to hear me ranting about my lovelife, in that case, I'll simply stop.“ The blonde laughed nervously. Lexa could see it in her blue eyes...the woman needed to talk about it. And Lexa would listen, if it may help the blonde figuring everything out.

 

„I have to speak to Marcus after the meeting, but that won't take more than five minutes. So, I'll come to your room, then?“ She asked. Clarke nodded and together they went into the first meeting of the day.

 

Like every Monday, they talked about the schedule for the week and everybody was handed the final details, like the number of the clothes they had to wear or the times they had to show up for getting their make-up done. There was nothing special and it was boring as hell, but it was part of their job.

 

After the meeting, Lexa talked to Marcus about the scene she and Clarke changed a little bit. She explained the reasons behind the changes and talked him into letting them do it that way. The scene would be shot on Wednesday evening, during the sunset outside in the lot, where the whole fake buildings were set up.

 

Then she hurried back into the area with the actor's rooms to talk with Clarke. The blonde had been right. They still had a couple of hours until one of them, in this case Lexa, had to act a scene.

 

„Hey.“ She softly announced herself when she entered the room. Clarke was laying on her stomach on her couch and grumbled something that sounded vaguely like a greeting. Her head was buried beneath a stack of pillows.

 

„What's up?“ Lexa asked before she could stop herself. She already knew what was wrong, but this, Clarke completely unrecognizable beneath a stack of blankets and pillows, was definitely worse than Clarke ranting about her boyfriend this morning.

 

„I have to sleep here.“ The blonde lifted one hand and pointed at the couch.

 

Lexa knitted her eyebrows, not sure if she understood it, because the blonde hadn't moved an inch. „It would help if you would turn around. I barely understand you.“ She said cautiously. Lexa didn't want to push Clarke, but if she wanted to help, or at least listen, she had to understand what the blonde was saying.

 

Clarke turned around with a huff. „I have to spend the night here.“ She groaned again. Lexa's eyebrows now shot up.

 

Did Finn throw her out of her own apartment or what had happened? If she would be in his place, she would be glad to have someone like Clarke (with someone like Clarke, she means Clarke, but she doesn't allow herself to think that) come home every evening. She would cook dinner and would listen to everything they had to talk about while eating said dinner. Then she would turn on a TV show that they both love and they would cuddle on the couch.

 

She would never let her significant other sleep on a couch at work. Never.

 

„Why?“ She asked. If her assumptions were true, she might have to have a honest word with this dumbass.

 

„I told you the story with my key, right?“ Clarke asked, no, she sighed.

 

„Your boyfriend lost them once again. Like he always does.“ Lexa answered. Just this part made her already fume. Why couldn't he take care of something that didn't belong to him? They shared an apartment and part of this is to take care of your partner's stuff.

 

„Yes, well, I texted him and asked if he would be home tonight, but apparently forgot to tell me that he will be away for the whole week. Bachelor party of some friend of his'. His flight took off half an hour ago. Now I'll have to sleep here and wait for my landlord to change the locks, which will take him longer than a day...so welcome to my home for the week!“ Clarke gestured around wildly.

 

„Finn flew away without telling you?“ Lexa asked disbelievingly. This better be a really good joke or prank of Clarke, but the expression on her face told Lexa something different. She was honest.

 

Clarke's boyfriend left without stopping by to drop her key off. He knew that Clarke had no keys with her and left nonetheless. He knew she wouldn't get into the apartment.

 

Whe the hell did he think he was? He was so luck to have someone like Clarke and treated her like she's literally worth nothing. Not only disrespects he her things, no he disrespects her too and that made Lexa really angry.

 

„Clarke...“ She hesitated and bit her lower lip. What she was about to say could possibly destroy their possibility of becoming real friends, but she had to say it. Clarke had to see the truth.

 

Before she could say something, Clarke already spoke up. „I know. Finn and I, I don't know. Back in the early days, he treated me like a princess. Bought me flowers and all this cliche stuff. He even manged to talk my mother into letting him cook in our kitchen, so that I would have warm dinner once I return from the set. Now...“ The blonde sighed. „He barely makes any effort anymore. In the morning a cup of coffee, like he did two years ago when he stayed over, or at the very least something edible in the fridge in the evening. Not even that. In the moment he has no job and has all time in this world to shop some groceries, but I always end up hurrying to the next supermarket to buy food.“ Clarke paused and seemed to think.

 

„Add the fact that he basically left you homeless for a week, because he forgot to tell you about some bachelor party.“ Lexa spat out. She couldn't stand something. Nobody deserved being treated like this. Clarke had an insane schedule at this moment and he still did nothing. „Clarke, can I be honest with you?“ Lexa asked. It was better to do this cautiously.

 

„My relationship is a disaster.“ Clarke groaned and finished Lexa's train of thoughts.

 

„It really is and according to my experience, you deserve so much better than that. But it's not my opinion here that is important,“ Lexa stepped closer to the couch and sat down on the edge. Clarke occupied the rest, but she was glad to be a step closer to the blonde. To show her that she cared. „What do you think? Do you love him enough to get trough this?“ She asked with a gentle voice.

 

For a moment there was absolute silence and Lexa almost thought that she overstepped a boundary, but then Clarke answered. „He was always the safe choice. Easy to handle and he demanded nothing from me, but love? That is a really strong word. I guess at some point I might have really loved him, at least I thought it was love back then. He was so sweet and caring back then...“Clarke paused again.

 

„Why are you still with him, if you don't love him anymore?“

 

„I am afraid of being alone again.“ Clarke simply said, trying to sound nonchalant, but her voice betrayed her.

 

Lexa placed a hand gently on top of Clarke's and watched the girl silently. Tears were welling up in blue eyes and Lexa could already feel a small tremor. Clarke was so hard trying not to let the tears fall, that her whole body was trembling.

  
„It's alright, Clarke. You are allowed to cry.“ She whispered and as if in command, sobs were shaking Clarke's body and streams of tears were forming on her cheeks.

 

Lexa scooted closer, not letting go of the blondes hand, and smoothly pulled Clarke up, so she could engulf her in a hug.

 

Normally, Lexa wasn't a hugging person, hell, she even wanted to avoid any body contact, but this was an entirely different story. Clarke needed this right now.

 

The blonde clutched onto her and cried.

 

Lexa let her cry until the sobs became less. She gave her the time she needed to regain her posture. She didn't let go.

 

„I am so sorry.“ Clarke mumbled then, her face still buried in Lexa's neck. Lexa gently brushed a hand over the younger woman's back. She stopped at Clarke's neck and managed to put some distance between them, so she could look into blue. Then she shook her head and brushed away a strand of blonde hair.

 

„Don't you dare to apologize for being human, Clarke.“ She looked deep into her new friend's eyes and found a conflict in them.

 

„You must think that I am a total freak, right? Someone who only stays with her dumb boyfriend, because then she wouldn't have to sleep alone again? You can not tell me that you think I am completely sane.“ Clarke mumbled.

 

_Her rambling is so cute._

 

Lexa wanted to slap herself for just letting that thought ghost through her head for a split-second. This was so typical. Alexandria Woods is comforting a friend, well, new found friend, who has a break-down and she thinks that the tear struck rambling of this friend is cute.

 

She took a deep breath and carefully prepared the next sentence in her head. If she would emphasize it the wrong way, Clarke may feel insulted or she will actually think that Lexa thinks that she is insane.

 

„Clarke, everybody has their flaws. If you have issues with being alone, then so be it. I am not here to judge you in any way-, I am here to listen to you.“ She looked at the girl in her arms in concern, when she heard a small snort-like sound. Probably it should resemble a laugh, but never became one.

 

„What is your flaw then? I can't find any. You look absolutely stunning, you are selfless and honest, hell, you are comforting me right now without having a reason to do so.“ Now Clarke let out an ironic laugh and looked at Lexa.

 

„As honored as I am that you are not able to find any, I can reassure you, there are plenty. Some minor ones, but there are also bigger ones. Did you ever seen me driving a car?“ She asked.

 

Clarke knitted her eyebrows. „I have no idea what this has to...“ She was cut off by Lexa shushing her. Then Clarke seemed to be thinking again. „No. You are always driving with your bike and to galas you are driven by Ryder.“

 

Lexa nodded and took a deep breath. She won't reveal the whole story behind it, but she will make Clarke see that having flaws like panic attacks or something like that is human. But telling the whole story? No. She can't. Not yet. Not when she doesn't know if they are even friends, because that is a story only the ones closest to her knew about. Not even the press found a connection to...

 

She didn't allow herself to finish that thought.

 

„I am afraid of driving a car. Even being a passenger is killing me. I start hyperventilating and am clutching to my seat belt for my dear life. You might say that driving a motorcycle is more dangerous, because it really is. Seriously, it is impossible to keep track of the count of dead bikers in LA within a year. But being in a car is suffocating me. I feel trapped, like a coffin on wheels.“ She closed her eyes and tried to chase the images away. She felt a sharp pain in her chest and had to really fight the urge to clutch to the spot above her heart.

 

_It's been so long and I still can't let you go. I probably will never be able to. You are in my heart and in my skin. Because forever means forever._

 

„Woods!“ A shout from across the hall ripped her out of her melancholy. She gave Clarke one last squeeze. _If you need me, I'll be by your side._

 

She really didn't want to leave Clarke alone, she even thought about not showing up to shoot the scene, but if there was something she knew about Clarke, then it was that she would never allow this. So she sighed and threw one last glance over her shoulder to the mess of blonde , curly hair that was sprawled all over the couch.

 

„I see you later then.“ She mumbled and made her way out of the small room. Later was exaggerated. Like every scene that was longer than a few seconds, this would take hours to shoot.

 

In the evening they would have a scene together, nothing too important, but nonetheless. They would see each other again before they could call it a night.

 


	4. Place to stay

„How are you feeling?“ Lexa asked when her co-star came out of her fitting-room. Tonight's outfit for Eliza seemed to consist of a pair of black boots, black pants and a white loose fitting top, and of course, the sunglasses.

 

She looked at Clarke in concern. She still had a pained expression on her face, but that was nothing compared to the sobbing mess she had been this morning.

 

„Better.“ She mumbled back. „Shooting a fight-scene really helped.“ A weak laugh escaped her lips, but it didn't reach her eyes. They were still expressionless and Lexa was missing the small glint they always seemed to have. The depth of the blue, the different shades of blue, depending on the light or sometimes even the weather.

 

When the sun was shining, her eyes shone, too. When the sky was gray, her eyes were, too. In the stage-light you could see small patches of green glimmering in them, just to see that these patches are more vacant in the daylight. Sometimes her eyes had the color of the ocean, a deep and almost dark blue and sometimes they turned into an intoxicating shade of gray.

 

Lexa bit her lower lip and shook her head slightly, so that nobody could have noticed. She had to stop thinking about her colleague that way. She wasn't allowed to do so. She didn't allow herself to do so.

 

„Yeah. Sometimes they are a great stress relief. Even if shooting them isn't quite as cool as it seems.“ She said with a shy smile on her lips.Shooting action-scenes was sometimes the most annoying thing on earth. You had to exactly remember every step they taught you and sometimes that just looked ridiculous.

 

„Griffin, Woods!“ They heard a shout from the other side of the set that pulled an immediate halt to the conversation, that was somewhat awkward.

 

They finished shooting at 7 pm and everybody was allowed to go home. They had filmed everything that had been planned for the day so they were able to call it a night.Lexa watched Clarke retreating to her room and felt a pang of guilt flash through her body. She couldn't let her sleep on a couch on set.„Clarke, wait!“ She shouted after her and ran to catch up with her. Perks to having to play a character with an aversion to heels.

 

„Something you forgot in your room?“ The blonde asked with a fake smile in place.

 

Lexa shook her head. „No. I, um, wanted to offer you to come with me. I have a guestroom where you could sleep. It's better than the couch and you would have real food, not only chocolate bars from craft.“

 

Clarke knitted her eyebrows. „Are you sure? I don't want to intrude.“

 

„Of course. And since it's still somewhat early and the most stores in the city close at nine, we could stop by and buy you some necessary stuff for the week. Such as a toothbrush and so on.“ She offered with a small smile. There was no way Clarke would have the necessary stuff with her.

 

„Well, um, we could stop by at my mother's. She still has more than the half of my clothes.“ Clarke looked as if alone the idea of having to visit her mother made her cringe. Lexa knew that they didn't get along really well, but she never asked why. It had never been her place to ask.

 

„If you are okay with that, we can do that too. Then grab your stuff, I'll wait in the lot.“ Clarke nodded and hurried into the direction of her room.

 

Lexa made her way to her bike and when Clarke arrived three minutes later, she started the engine. Once Clarke was wearing her helmet and was seated securely behind her, they took off. Clarke had given her the address where her mother lived and Lexa maneuvered them through the evening rush hour.

 

They arrived at the house in the suburbs after driving almost twenty minutes.

 

„Hello?“ Clarke shouted through the house, once she stepped inside. The backdoor was never locked and that way she could easily get into her childhood home.

 

„Clarke?“ Was the answer that was coming from the direction of her mothers study.

 

„Of course she is working.“ Clarke muttered under her breath while she made her way to said room. Her mother was sitting at her desk and was obviously reading through some medical records of patients. This was nothing new for Clarke. Her mother's life consisted solely of work now that she doesn't have her daughter living with her anymore.

 

„I'm just here to grab some clothes and stuff.“ She said, hoping her mother wouldn't ask why she suddenly needed her old clothes on a Monday evening at half past seven.

 

But, of course, Abby Griffin had other plans. „Why?“ The older woman asked with furrowed eyebrows. She had put down the record and looked now at her daughter.

 

„Long story. Finn lost my keys, I left my apartment without them, since Finn normally was at home, but apparently he had some bachelor-party he had to attend. He flew this morning. Now I sleep at a friend's home.“ That was honestly more than she wanted to tell her mother, but she knew that Abby wouldn't back down unless she had a logical explanation.

 

Now Abby simply nodded and returned to her medical records. This was how their conversations went.

 

They never spoke more than three sentences to each other and it almost all the time ended with Abby simply nodding.

 

Clarke now hurried upstairs, shoving every thought about their mother-daughter away. She grabbed everything that was still wearable and stuffed it into a bag.

 

Then she left the house without saying goodbye and hurried towards Lexa who was scrolling through her phone while waiting.

 

„I got everything I need.“ She said a little bit out of breath. Clarke had basically been sprinting trough her old home, just to avoid spending too much time in it. It simply held too many sad memories. She wasn't able to spend more than ten minutes in it until she would start crying.

 

„Okay. Hold on tight. I still want to be on time to watch Wynonna Earp.” Lexa said with a smirk on her face. Clarke just shook her head and did as she was told. 

 

Today she might have won a new friend. Lexa had been there for her when she really didn't need to be. She held her tight while Clarke had a break-down without really having a reason to. She offered Clarke to stay at her apartment until the locks of her own would be exchanged without expecting anything in return, at least didn't she say so.

 

Clarke tightened her grip around her new friend for a short second. A silent thank you.

 

They sped their way to Lexa's apartment, but as far as Clarke could see, Lexa didn't even overstep the speed limit by one mile per hour and her eyes always seemed to be glued to the street and her surroundings. Obviously, Lexa was one of the most responsible drivers Clarke knew.

 

She really admired the way Lexa seemed to be enjoying riding with her bike. It almost seemed as the brunette's world was narrowed down to the street and the bike.

 

Clarke almost didn't notice that they had come to a halt in front of an insanely high skyscraper.

 

„Why was it obvious to me that you live in a building like this?“ She sighed and earned a small laugh from her driver. 

 

„Well, it has some perks to carry the name Woods. Perks like living in the penthouse apartment since your parents bought that building a couple of years ago. Real-estate and so on.“ Lexa shrugged.

 

Right, Clarke almost forgot. When she herself was quite wealthy, Lexa was rich as f*ck. Her parents somehow managed to always invest into the right things to win an insane amount of money. Plus, her mother being a well-known and well-paid songwriter and her father being the lead-singer and lead-guitar player of one of the most popular rock-bands during the 90's. You can already guess where that ends.

 

„Yeah it really has. I am so jealous right now.“ Clarke grumbled and feigned the jealousy. Of course, she wasn't really envious. She herself had far too much monea to spend and back in childhood days, her mother had an high pay-check as a surgeon and, before he died, her father was one of the countries best engineers, also well paid. After his death, he gave all his life-insurance to Clarke. Which was ,not really surprisingly, a crazy amount of money for a 16 year-old girl.

 

„Marry me and take the name Woods. Then we're even.“ Lexa said with a shrug which caused both of them to laugh.

„Clarke Woods. Sounds great. When do we start planning?“ She shot back, which made them only laugh harder.

 

Clarke bent forward and held her stomach that nearly hurt from laughing by now and therefore missed a light red tinge on Lexa's cheeks.

 

After they recovered, Lexa led the way into the building. A guard was standing in the gigantic hall and slightly lowered hi head towards the two woman entering the building.

 

„Good evening, Miss Woods. I hope you had a great day.“ He offered and in the corner of her vision, Clarke saw a small, polite smile on Lexa's lips. 

 

„Yes, my day has been decent, Gustus. I hope yours has been, too.“ The brunette beside Clarke said.

 

The tall man, who almost looked a little bit ridiculous in that uniform, nodded silently and smiled at them. „Have a nice night, Miss Woods.“ He said .

 

Now it was Lexa's turn to nod. Then they both went towards the elevator where Lexa pushed the button with the number 75 on it. They spend the time in the elevator in silence, but it was not awkward. Normally, Clarke hated silence, but right now, with Lexa it was a comfortable silence.

 

„Mi casa es su casa.“ Lexa offered with an exaggerated gesture towards the open door. When Clarke stepped into Lexa's home, her mouth hang wide open. Everything was tastefully decorated and matched perfectly. Unlike her own apartment which was nearly never well structured given the fact that she didn't have the time to clean up and Finn simply didn't do such a thing as cleaning. Clarke was sure he didn't even know how to use the dishwasher.

 

Lexa led her through the open living-room slash kitchen area into a hallway with several doors on the left and right. 

 

„Seriously, how big is your apartment?“ Clarke asked when they stopped in front of the third door on the right.

 

Lexa simply shrugged. „I don't know. I never needed to know the details.“ A short pause. „Anyway, this would be your room. It's not really big, but I hope it's enough.“ The brunette opened the door and revealed a beautifully furnished room, that was indeed small in comparison to the other rooms that Clarke had already seen, but she really liked it from the beginning.

 

„This is perfect. Thank you so much, Lexa.“ Clarke said with the most honest expression on her face. She really was incredibly thankful that Lexa let her stay in her apartment for as long as she couldn't live in her own one.

 

„No problem. I got one question, though.“ Clarke simply nodded. „Why didn't you just call the lockout service? I meant it would have been more expensive, but from what I know your paycheck should cover that.“ Lexa stated and made a valid point. Clarke was indeed more than capable to pay the locksmith, if it weren't for her stupid landlord.

 

„Yeah, well, my landlord is an asshole. And stubborn. No locksmith makes it past the guard at the entrance, simply because he doesn't trust them. He always exchanges the locks himself.“ Clarke laughed. That man really was a pain in the ass and, honestly, she would be glad to find another, nicer loft with a nicer landlord.

 

And probably that was more likely than sh thought. After today, she wasn't sure if she could stand the fact of having to live with Finn again. She always went with his lazy attitude, but that she now had to bother Lexa because of it was enough.

 

She sighed. 

 

„What's up?“ Lexa looked at her worried. Clarke wanted to slap herself. At first Lexa was offering her a place to stay and then, she was going to bother her with her own personal chaos. 

 

„Nothing. Just a train of thoughts.“ She said, hoping that that would satisfy the brunette. She didn't want to bother her any further.

 

But Lexa obviously wasn't happy with this answer. She knitted her eyebrows and looked at Clarke. „Whatever it is, you know that you can tell me, right?“ 

 

Clarke nodded and sighed again. „It's just...“ She trailed off. 

 

„Hey, why don't you make yourself a home and make yourself comfortable on the couch and I prepare some hot chocolate. Then we can talk about it.“ Before Clarke could argue, Lexa was already on her way towards the kitchen and had left Clarke alone in the hallway.

 

The blonde shook her head and made her way to the white couch that stood in front of an insanely sized TV. She shrugged off her boots and curled up into a small ball. Her chin resting on her knees.

 


	5. Late-night visit

 

„Here you go.“ Lexa said when she returned from the kitchen and found her new friend curled up on her couch. She smiled shyly at her and sat down next to her while sipping her hot chocolate.

 

At first they sat there a while in silence, but after maybe five to ten minutes, Clarke spoke up. „Thank you, Lexa. You really didn't have to do that.“ The brunette really didn't, but she did help her nonetheless and that made Clarke already feel a little bit better. She took a deep breath.

 

„Has this to do with what happened today?“ Lexa asked gently. Under normal circumstances, Clarke may have thought about that as being pushy, but right now, she was thankful that Lexa gave her a starting point.

 

„Yeah. It really made me think about my relationship, or rather the lack of. The way he just left today...I don't know. It's like that pulled a lever inside my head. Remember when I told you that I didn't want to be alone? That I was afraid of it?“ Clarke asked and watched as Lexa nodded thoughtfully.

 

„Of course. You said that he was the safe choice.“ The brunette offered and for a short moment Clarke was actually shocked how well she had listened to her rambling earlier today.

 

„Yes. After my dad died a few years ago, I had trouble with being alone. The first couple of months I slept in the same bed as my mother, just because I couldn't stand the idea of being alone.-“ She had to pause and swallow down the emotions that were bubbling in her chest. She didn't allow herself to get lost in them like she did this morning. „Anyway.When I met him and actually fell in love with him...I didn't hae to be alone anymore. I had someone to hold me tight when I had nightmares and so on. Our relationship always had been easy and not too demanding. But, I don't know, for the last couple of months, he changed. Or maybe I did, but it's not the same. He does nothing other than partying, eating and sleeping. He doesn't even clean up the mess after he threw a party in our home. But I stayed with him...“ She swallowed again. She sounded like the most terrible human being. She used her boyfriend simply out of the most selfish reason.

 

„Because you don't want to be alone again.“ Lexa finished for her. Clarke looked up surprised to find Lexa looking and sounding so understanding. She didn't sound like she thought of Clarke the way she just did herself. „It's okay, Clarke. Being afraid of being alone is okay. But you can't do that anymore. You are not happy and as a friend I have to say that you have to stop. Remember, you are never alone, okay? You always have friends that care for you.“ At the last sentence, Lexa looked right into her eyes and Clarke found a sincere green piercing through her.

 

She sighed. Lexa was so right. She couldn't do that any further. She was lying to Finn and to herself.

 

„I-you're right. I have to end things with Finn“ She stuttered.

 

„And if you don't know where to go, you are always welcome to stay. This apartment is too big for one person alone.“ Lexa smiled sincerely and Clarke felt her heart swell.

 

„Why are you doing all this, Lexa?“ The question wasn't meant to offend, but on second thought, Clarke mentally scolded herself for asking.

 

 

Lexa found herself smiling at the blonde's question. It was bold, yes, but that was Clarke for her. The girl always had a bold attitude and said what was on her mind.

 

„I really enjoy your company. On set, you're always fun and if needed you can be sincere. I think you deserve to be happy and therefore as your friend, it's my job to give you that happiness. Friends have each others back.“ She meant every word of it. Every single syllable.

 

Clarke deserved to be happy. She was one of the few humans on this world that Lexa would trust and therefore she saw it as her obligation, in a positive way, to care for her friend. And a place for her to stay was the least she could do.

 

„Thank you.“ Lexa shook her head disbelievingly at the words, but smiled nonetheless.

 

“It's fine, really.” It wasn't as if Clarke was in her way. Lexa was honestly glad that she won't have to live on her own in this gigantic apartment, even if it only was fo a week or so. Having a big home, often makes you feel lonely and if there's suddenly someone who fills that home with noise is a great gift.

 

They sat a while in silence, but Lexa could see in the corner of her eye, that Clarke was struggling to stay awake. Her eyes were drifting shut more often than not and her posture became more and more relaxed. “I guess we should go to sleep. I don't want that you are getting a backache from falling asleep un the couch.” She said with a smug small smile.

 

Clarke looked at her gratefully and started making her way towards the bedroom. Lexa collected their cups and was already on her way towards the kitchen when she turned around. “Clarke?” The blonde turned and looked at her in question. “Wake me, if you need me, okay?”

 

Now that Lexa knew about the struggles Clarke had with being alone, she couldn't just leave her in the feeling of having to be all alone. This statement was meant to offer some calm for the blonde that had told her that she has struggles with sleeping while being alone.

 

Clarke nodded and then turned away to go to sleep while Lexa was swiftly doing the dishes.

 

On one hand she really could understand why Clarke was still with Finn. Being with him meant for her to not be alone.

 

But on the other hand that was just wrong. Finn might be a dick, from what Lexa was able to witness, in person on set, and while listening to Clarke, but that didn't change the fact that it was wrong to use him like that.

 

Therefore she was happy that she was able to make Clarke see reason and to overthink her behavior towards him.

 

* * *

 

Lexa woke up to a knock on the door. She groaned and rubbed her sleepy eyes. Normally she was a morning person and had no problems with getting up early, but this was too early, even for her. A glance on her alarm clock told her that it was just three o'clock in the morning. Two and a half hours too early.

 

It took her a short while to register how weird this was. Who was knocking on her door at this ungodly hour? She lived alone, so nobody would be there to knock.

 

But all at once it hit her. It was Clarke who was knocking at her door. How could she forget Clarke? How could she forget the blue-eyed beauty that was now living, at least for some time, in her apartment.

 

_What the hell?!_

 

It was only due to the fact that it was far too early. Otherwise she would never think something like that about Clarke, would she? No. She wasn't allowed to and especially now, when there was really some serious shit going on in Clarke's life and the young woman needed a friend, she would never let her feelings interfere with her actions. 

 

"Yes?" She asked, hoping that Clarke hadn't given up already and had retreated to her room. If the blonde needed her, Lexa wanted to be there for her, no matter what time it was right now.

 

The door opened a crack and Clarke carefully stepped into the room. Lexa rolled around to reach for the light switch that was on the right side of her bed. She wouldn't let Clarke stand there in the dark on her doorstep.

 

What she saw shocked her. Clarke was, if that was even possible, even paler than normal and she did have a look of terror in her eyes. She also was fidgeting nervously with her own wrist while she was looking at Lexa.

 

"Hey...what happened?" Lexa immediately sat up straight and pushed the blankets aside. She motioned for Clarke to sit down next to her by patting the empty space on her left.

 

The blonde sat down and now, due to the much shorter distance between them, Lexa could see that the blonde had been crying. Judging by the puffiness of her eyes and the dark lines under her eyes, she had been crying a lot. 

 

Lexa felt sorry for her. Like really sorry. Her friend deserved to be smiling all day and to laugh and to be happy. Not to be like this. Sad, somber and terrified. No. Lexa wanted the blue eyes to shine bright as the sky like they did every time the weather was good and Clarke had a good day. That was what she wanted to see, not the grey that now had replaced her favorite color in this world.

 

She opened her arms and allowed Clarke to crawl into her embrace. The blonde was now sobbing and Lexa immediately felt the wetness from Clarke's cheeks on the skin of her neck. She put her arms around the sobbing mess that was her friend and drew soothing patterns on her back.

 

She wasn't really good at comforting friends, given that she barely had true friends that needed her help. In fact, she only had friends who would never allow themselves to show any emotion in front of the others. No matter how shitty they would feel, they would never show it. Hell, she was sure that she had never seen her best friend, Anya, cry before. Not even a single tear. But right now she was doing the best she could and she hoped that would be enough.

 

Clarke had told her that she had struggles with being alone. She had told her that that had been one of the reasons why she was still with Finn, simply because she was afraid of being alone.

 

Lexa didn't really understand her friend's actions, if she was being honest, but she knew, too, that Clarke now needed someone who at least tried to look past the obvious. She needed someone who didn't understand her completely, but who tried to understand her. So that was what Lexa could offer. She would try to understand the blonde.

 

She let her cry for a little while longer, but once Clarke's sobs were becoming less and less, she carefully put some distance between them to look at her friend. She wouldn't let her go back into her room all alone. If Clarke needed someone around, she would be that someone.

 

"You can stay here, so you don't have to be alone." Lexa mumbled while pushing a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. Her touch may have lingered a little bit too long, and she kind of felt guilty for it the instance she noticed it, but Clarke didn't seem to mind, so she just went with it and left it.

 

She would never allow herself to truly act on her stupid little feelings. Nope. That would never happen. So being a good friend was the closest she would get to Clarke.

 

The blonde just nodded. Lexa pulled them both up so they could comfortably lay down on the gigantic bed.

 

Clarke was lying with her back turned towards Lexa, but she was still very close. Lexa was stunned when she felt the blonde grabbing her arm and pulling it around her waist.

 

The butterflies in Lexa's stomach threatened to make her belly explode, at least it felt like it, but just seconds ago, she had vowed that she would never act on her feelings for Clarke. Only to herself, but that didn't matter. A silent vow had the same meaning to her as one that was spoken out loud. That Clarke now was the one searching the contact, stunned her.

 

"Is this okay?" The blonde mumbled sleepily, the whole crying had obviously worn her out and made her incredibly tired. Lexa herself felt now the adrenaline disperse, leaving her body as tired as Clarke's, so she just hummed her response.

 

When Clarke had come into her room, Lexa had been awake from one second to the other. She hadn't allowed her tiredness to control her actions, so the adrenaline kicked in and once that wears off, well, it leaves you really tired.

 

And the good thing was that she couldn't put too much thoughts into the fact that she was now spooning Clarke Griffin.

 

She had never slept better.


	6. Breakfast Club

 

* * *

 

 

Waking up had never felt this comfortable, no, normally it felt like the reality was ripping her out of her dreams. Reality in the form of her alarm clock.

 

But today? Today she woke to an different alarm, one that wasn't hers. Certainly not. She quietly asks herself if she has changed it at some point yesterday, but she was sure that she hadn't. 

 

The next thing she noticed that she felt warm. 

 

It took her another few minutes to actually put her thoughts into the right order. But suddenly, she remembered. Lexa was here with her in the same bed, because Clarke hadn't been able to fall asleep on her own. The brunette had offered her to stay and she had gladly accepted that. 

 

Now looking back, it made her feel nervous, because it shouldn't feel this, good, should it? She shouldn't feel this comfortable while being cuddled into Lexa, but she did. And that was what scared her. She felt so content just laying here and enjoying the warmth Lexa's body offered. 

 

She could stay in bed like this forever, she thought. But, seemingly, Lexa had other plans for the day. 

 

She felt the brunette stirring while slowly waking up. It took her co-star another few seconds to be fully awake, but when she was, Clarke knew that she hated it. The brunette loosened her grip on Clarke's waist and was hurrying out of the bed, obviously unaware to the fact that Clarke was already awake, too. 

 

She missed the warmth and immediately felt cold. She missed the small sparks that the contact with Lexa had sent down her entire body. She missed being held, so she could fall asleep. 

 

Clarke had never felt this comfortable and content with Finn, no, not even close to it. Her boyfriend, or maybe now ex-boyfriend?, had always offered a minimum of comfort in comparison to her co-star. He never made her feel this warm, he never caused these little sparks and he certainly would never have helped Clarke the way Lexa did now. She didn't know what made her feel this great around the brunette, but whatever it was...it felt good.

 

She was ripped out of her thoughts when she heard a soft knock on the door. "Morning, sleepyhead." Lexa mumbled, while carrying a tray toward the bed. There were various breakfast items on it and Clarke couldn't believe that someone actually made her breakfast. 

 

"You did all of this for me?" Clarke asked incredulously. 

 

"Well, some f it is for me, too, but yeah, I made you breakfast. Once I overheard that you loved eating breakfast in bed and so...here I am. Bon Apetit." Lexa smiled and Clarke couldn't believe that it was possible for these green eyes to shine even brighter than normal.

 

"I think I will really do it at some point:" Clarke mumbled and as soon as the words were out of her mouth she noticed that she had actually spoken her thoughts out loud. At least that was what Lexa's confused face told her.

 

"What will you do at some point?" Lexa asked, clearly having no idea of what this was about and Clarke couldn't help the heat she felt creeping up her neck.

 

"Remember what we were joking about yesterday?" She asked, trying to avoid saying her thoughts out loud directly. Maybe Lexa would understand what she tried to say and she would get away with that. But hey, she wouldn't be Clarke Griffin if that was really to happen, right?

 

"No?" Lexa looked at her with a puzzled expression on her face. If Clarke was honest now, she loved the way her on-screen-girlfriend looked right now. Somehow she found it really cute.

 

"Well, um, I have been joking about...-about marrying you. You know? We agreed that Clarke Woods definitely has a nice ring to it." At that Lexa was laughing wholeheartedly and suddenly, Clarke didn't mind being embarrassed. In fact, she felt herself smiling, because she really liked hearing Lexa laugh. It was such a pure and honest sound and Clarke couldn't help asking herself how many people got to hear this sound. Certainly not many.

 

"It has." Lexa got out in between her laughter. "Maybe someday the producers will decide for our characters to walk down the aisle." Lexa shot her now a wink and besides blushing, Clarke started laughing, too. The imagination was quite ridiculous. In a post apocalyptic world with zombies everywhere waiting to eat you alive and instead of running away or fighting, their characters would marry. 

 

"If we can find a zombie with a license, then this is quite possible." Lexa chuckled. 

 

Clarke shook her head and decided to let the topic slide, because talking about something like that was quite funny, but she felt these little flutters in her stomach every time Lexa says the word marriage and she still couldn't place a finger on what this was.

 

And if Clarke Griffin was unsure of something, she would often run away.

 

She picked two pancakes and poured some syrup on top of them, grinning happily at the fact that someone, no, not just someone, that Lexa had delivered her her breakfast to the bed.

 

"These are awesome! Which mix do you use?" Clarke asked, because the pancakes really tasted better than any of those she made.

 

"Mix? Duh, they are 100% selfmade. I never use mixes, they taste awful and are really unhealthy because of all the stuff they mix into it besides the actual batter part." Lexa gave her a small smile and Clarke couldn't help chuckling at that answer. Of course, Lexa Woods would make the pancakes completely herself.

 

"You are probably right, but honestly? I am even not really good at cooking pancakes with mixes. I suck at cooking." She looked down onto her plate, feeling a bit ashamed.

 

"Good thing I can can cook for us both during this week then, right? I mean I could also teach you some of the basics, but if you don't want to, it's fine, too." Lexa smiled honestly at Clarke and the blonde once again felt this little flutter in her stomach. She loved the idea of Lexa teaching her how to cook. Since she would be living alone after Finn would return, she somehow has to learn cooking anyway.

 

Finn wasn't a good cook either, but he managed some of the basics. 

 

"You would try teaching me how to cook? Are you insane?" Clarke asked with feigned surprise.

 

 

"Not insane. But I would say ambitious. We can start tonight when we return home from set." 

 

"Oh right...we still got work to do today." Clarke grumbled at the reminder. She loved her job, really, it was a dream, but she couldn't help but rather wanting to stay here all day with Lexa than hearing Kanes voice shouting directions.

 

"Ready for pinning me to a hood?" Lexa asked, wiggling her eyebrows. 

 

"That is today?" Clarke asked surprised. She had totally forgotten about the make-out scene and thinking about it now turned the little flutters into gigantic butterflies that were raging in her stomach.

 

"You forgot that you are going to kiss me? I am hurt." Lexa clutched the spot above her heart and judging by the small wrinkles around her mouth, she really had to fight laughing out loud. 

 

"Yeah, well, it didn't seem too important to me. I guess I had different things on my mind." Clarke fired back. If Lexa wanted to play this game, she would at lest play along. Not, that she was really good at flirting, but it seemed to work. At least kind of.

 

"That was a real low-blow, Clarke. You are killing my ego." Again, Lexa feigned being hurt.

 

"Oh please, it's not as if you had nothing to piece it back together. I bet there are tons of girls that would beg to tell the rich heiress of the Woods company how awesome she is." The last sentence tasted sour on her tongue, but Clarke knew that this was the reality. She is talking to Lexa Woods right now. Woods, just the name held so much meaning in this world. Her parents owned half of the city and Clarke was almost sure that they bought half of Los Angeles, too. Add several other cities to that list and you will get the raw gist of their wealth. Also, Lexa was one of the best paid actresses in the whole industry. Producers are almost fighting for her to be in one of their movies and writers are writing their characters the way that only Lexa would be able to play them. The third point would be that Lexa was incredibly stunning. Hell, if Clarke didn't knew any better, she would say that Lexa's jawline was chiseled by the angels. 

 

To sum up, there was no way in hell that there weren't at least half of the girls of this city waiting to sleep with Lexa. 

 

"Probably, but I don't care." Lexa shrugged, putting an end to Clarke's list.

 

"You don't care?" Clarke asked incredulously. She had always thought of Lexa to be kind of a playgirl, since there were so many girls who wanted her. 

 

"Yup. I consider myself to be more of the relationship-type. Fucking around is nothing to be envious of, trust me." Lexa's expression told Clarke that there was some backstory to that statement. But, she didn't want to make the brunette uncomfortable. Right now they were happy, laughing and joking around and Clarke didn't want to destroy that.

 

"I think I like relationships better, too. Cuddling on the couch in front of the TV, eating dinner together and having someone I know loves me. I think that really is one of the greatest gifts." For a short moment, Finn was back in her mind. He always made her feel not lonely, but he never gave her the feeling that he cared deeply about her. Well, she couldn't really blame him. She herself wasn't a good example in their relationship.

 

* * *

 

 

They had talked for another while, but in the end it was time for them to get out of the bed and make their way to work. Their scene would be in the late afternoon and up until then, they didn't see each other much besides at lunch, but even there, they were occupied with arranging everything for the promo-tour. Things like phone calls with their managers and having a long talk with Marcus about the things they were allowed to give away were keeping them from really talking to each other.

 

Then, in the afternoon, they were finally at the same set again and Lexa was really, really f*cking nervous about the scene they would shoot. She wanted it to be perfect. It had to be perfect, just for representation's sake. But, she was afraid of her feelings to interfere with her actions. Could she call it feelings for Clarke? She wasn't really sure, but with Clarke she was sure about nothing, really.

 

Their chatter this morning had felt great. It felt like she finally had found someone who was able to match her level of sarcasm and irony. 

 

Waking up next to Clarke, no, waking up with Clarke cuddled into her embrace had felt even more amazing. She honestly couldn't really describe what it felt like.

 

She had hated not seeing the blonde the whole day. Somehow it really made her feel pissed.

 

But now? Now she was sitting in hair and make-up for their make-out scene and she had to fight the trembling of her fingers. The nervousness toward kissing the blonde was impossible to express with words and the whole time she had to remind herself that she was a professional and that she should be able to put all of her feelings aside while standing in front of thee camera. Later she could panic again. Now she had to stay focused. At least she had to try.

 

"Woods! We'll start shooting in two minutes!" One of the assistants shouted from across the set and she already felt her heart-rate picking up.

 

Clarke Griffin will be the end of her.

 

* * *

 

 


	7. "Reunion"

 

* * *

 

 

"You ready for this, Woods?" Clarke asked her when she emerged from the hair and make-up room. 

 

Honestly, no. She wanted to say. No, she wasn't ready. The entire day she had spent with thinking about this moment. She had been freaking out when she was in her room alone, but now she wasn't allowed to show any weakness. If Kane would see her struggling with staying professional, she didn't want to know what the consequences were. So, she just tried to calm herself down with thinking that they had already practiced this.

 

"Yeah, I guess so. Let's get the show on the road." Lexa wanted to flinch at how insecure her voice sounded. The statement was supposed to sound strong, confident and cool, but all it did was sound kind of pathetic and by the looks of it, Clarke had seen right through her. The blonde placed a gentle hand on her right upper arm and gave it a small squeeze. 

 

"We have done this before. You can do it." She offered while pulling Lexa into a deep hug. Immediately Lexa could feel the small tingles again and she couldn't help but breathe the blonde's scent in. Clarke always smelled like roses with a tiny hint of vanilla and Lexa found that this was becoming her favorite scent of all. It was sweet but still held a small bite to it. 

 

She was at a loss of words while being held by Clarke. She never really knew what to say when the blonde was this close to her, it always felt like the words were stuck in her throat and it was impossible for them to escape. So, she just kept her mouth shut, not willing to embarrass herself with trying to choke the words out. 

 

"Woods! Griffin! Now!" Kane shouted from across the set, sounding almost painfully impatient. Whenever he shouted that way, Lexa knew that she should do her best to fulfill what he wanted from her. Otherwise he tended to get kind of unpleasant. That didn't change that the panic was once again rising. This had to be perfect and she wasn't sure if she could do it perfectly while just being hugged by Clarke made her feel things she didn't really understand or she had ever felt before.

 

"Come on." Clarke gently nudged her forward and together they made their way to their respective spots.

 

The set was outside at one of these fake houses that were only half existent, meaning that they only were a facade. A grey car was parked a few meters away with Clarke already waiting inside of it. Lexa was now standing on a scaffold behind one of these fake windows and was supposed to watch the street with a gun in her hand. The plot was easy. Eliza had gone missing for some time and Alicia had almost given up on hoping that she would see the woman she had fallen for again, but the blonde bad-ass found a way to escape and now makes her way back to the base of Alicia's group of survivors. The kind of naive brunette would at first not believe what she was seeing, but in the end they would end up reuniting and celebrating this with a hot make-out sequence.

 

One last breath. One last breath and then Lexa steppend completely into the role of Alicia Clark, or at least she tried to. She couldn't ignore the flutters in her stomach and her sweaty palms, but she did her best to see past it.

 

Then, the director yelled "Action!" and she had to bury her feelings completely.

 

_Alicia sighed. Until now, her shift had been incredibly dull, not that she wanted the zombies to attack them, but she thought that she had more important things to do. She maybe could look for Eliza at the cliffs for example, or maybe the abandoned diner where they spent some time, too, but, she knew it was of no use. The blonde hadn't been seen in six days. In a world like this, this means that you are either dead or a walking dead._

 

_She wanted to scream. Finally, she had found someone who made her happy and made living in this world easier for her, just to get her ripped from her again. She wanted to cry. Never had she gotten the chance to tell Eliza how deeply she felt for her. She never got the chance to tell her that she might have fallen in love with her. She wanted to go out and kill everybody, or rather everything that was responsible for Eliza's death. She wanted revenge, but knew that it would be no help for anybody._

 

_Revenge didn't make it easier for them to stay alive. Seeking revenge meant seeking trouble, at least was that what her mother had  told her when she had tried to escape their base and search for Eliza._

 

_Now, she was standing here, in this small room that offered the perfect view on the road and stared out of the window._

 

_There had been nothing. Literally nothing. She swore that there wasn't even a leaf that had flown past the window in the past four hours._

 

_But then, she heard something that definitely didn't belong to the environment. She heard a roaring engine that was coming closer and closer to their base. She furrowed her brows, feeling panic rise inside of her. Her gun was now ready to shoot and she was waiting for the vehicle to rush past them._

 

_Hopefully they were friendly fellow survivors, but she couldn't remember meeting any at all until now besides the ones that were part of her group. In this world you had to do everything in order to make surviving possible._

 

_What made her panic rise further was the fact that, as soon as she saw the car, she saw that it was slowing down, coming to an halt directly in front of their base._

 

_She was supposed to shoot, she knew that. She was supposed to kill everything that was threatening them, but somehow, somehow she couldn't just shoot at an unknown driver. He or she could be friendly, so, she waited._

 

_She couldn't believe who got out of the car. No, this simply wasn't possible. No. No. No._

 

_A blonde mop of curls was emerging from the car, hands lifted above her head. Alicia would recognize her everywhere, from any angle, from any distance, from any height. The image of this blonde was part of her heart and she knew it like a part of her own._

 

_Eliza was standing in front of the car, leaving Alicia gaping at the window._

 

_This wasn't possible. No. It simply couldn't be. Her eyes have to be failing her, there is no other explanation._

 

_They weren't._

 

_"Alicia?" The blonde asked from her spot on the road. Having obviously seen the brunette standing behind the window watching her with a shock written across her face. "Please...it's me. I swear I am still me!" Eliza shouted from her spot on the road._

_She wanted so badly to believe it. So badly she wanted to trsut the girl who held her heart in her hands, but she had learned that trusting somebody now was one of the most stupid things one could do._

_So instead of running downstairs int the arms of the blonde like she wanted to do so badly, she opened the window a crack. Alicia needed to make sure that this was really still Eliza standing there._

 

_"How can I be sure?" She asked the girl in front of the grey car._

 

_"I swear on my bicycle that its truly me standing here." The blonde shouted back, giving Alicia the answer she needed to be sure._

 

_This was really Eliza. She knew that it had to be, because the blonde would never take this lightly since she loved her bicycle dearly,_

 

_She tossed the gun away and hurried downstairs to do what she wanted to do so badly. Finally she would be able to have the other woman back in her arms. Finally she would be able to kiss her again. Finally she would be able to breathe again._

 

_She still couldn't really understand how this was possible, but she didn't care. At least not right now._

 

_Once she stepped out of the house, she ran into the arms of her girl. "Oh my god." She whispered into the embrace, not able to really compensate that this was really happening._

 

_"Our fight is not over." Eliza murmured when they separated the tiniest bit so they could look at each other._

 

_"I thought I'd never see you again." Alicia choked out between her ragged breaths._

 

_"I am here and I swear I will go nowhere else." They both knew that there were still a lot of things unsaid, but they also knew that neither of them was ready to say them yet. This promise, it was enough for now._

 

_Alicia couldn't help pulling the blonde into a deep kiss, putting all her desperate emotions into that one kiss. Finally she was able to do that again. The feeling of kissing Eliza was something she couldn't describe. It went from tingling in her stomach over feeling her chest tighten in affection to making her want more. She felt so much while kissing Eliza that there was no word that could describe it._

 

_Slowly, Eliza guided them towards the car._

 

Lexa felt warm soft lips on her own and suddenly everything around them, just faded away. There were no cameras for her now, there were no crew-members and there was definitely no script for her to remember. All she could think of was that she was kissing Clarke right now. Clarke, the girl that had torn her walls down faster than anybody else ever could. The girl that made her stomach feel like it was going to explode from all the butterflies that were raging in there. The girl she had offered a place to stay because of her stupid boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend. The girl who had slept in her arms last night.

 

She knew that she was supposed to stay in her role, but she couldn't help slipping out of it.

 

She felt the soft nudge that Clarke gave her in order to coax her into sitting down on top of the car's hood. Gladly she did just that. For her it didn't matter now that this kiss wasn't real. She knew it was the closest thing to what she might truly want and she was okay with it.

 

When Clarke reconnected their lips, Lexa was more than just surprised to feel the blonde's tongue brushing her lower lip, silently asking for entrance. This was definitely not necessary for filming a make-out scene nor was it in the script. Not, that she didn't like it, no, that was definitely not it. In fact, she wanted for it to last forever, but she was confused about the action. Since it wasn't something that was part of their job, it raised questions within Lexa.

 

Their tongues danced around each other and neither of both actresses heard their director call "Cut!". They were in their own world, at least until Kane tapped Clarke on her shoulder, stating that the scene was over. This caused both actresses to blush.

 

"That was intense. Great work, ladies. I knew that the two of you would have an amazing chemistry." Kane grinned at them both,seeming oblivious of the tension between the two young actresses. "Seriously, I loved the way you stepped into your roles. That the two of you got carried away is a sign of great devotion for me." 

 

Lexa cleared her throat. "Thank you, Kane." She mumbled with a hoarse voice. She couldn't help glancing over to Clarke. The blonde's otherwise bright blue eyes were so many shades darker now that Lexa's breath hitched in her throat. She was sure her own eyes didn't look any differently.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	8. Happiness, sadness, confusion

 

* * *

 

 

"Well, I gotta say that you are a fantastic kisser." Clarke said once they were in Lexa's apartment again. 

 

Honestly, Lexa wasn't sure what she was supposed to say now. If the blonde only knew how it had felt like to kiss her. Her lips were so incredibly soft and welcoming and kissing her had made Lexa feel everything. Yes. that was it everything.

 

From incredible happiness, because she finally got to kiss Clarke again after their little practice, to confusion about the fact that the blonde had so eagerly kissed her with tongue and so on, to sadness about the fact that this was most likely the closest she would ever get to what she really want.

 

But the biggest part was definitely the confusion. It had almost felt as if the blonde had enjoyed it too, but on the other hand, that couldn't be the possibility, right? Clarke was still kind of in a relationship with a man and to Lexa this wouldn't make any sense at all.

 

Maybe she just wanted to make it as realistically as possible since she really is ambitious about the whole correct representation thing. That had to be it. Clarke just wanted to correctly represent the LGBTQ-community, nothing more nothing less.

 

Lexa almost wanted to scold herself for even thinking that the blonde had honestly enjoyed kissing her.

 

But then again, why would she bring it up again? Maybe she just wants to discuss how important this will be, since they had shared some passionate conversations about this in the past.

 

"I can only return this, Clarke. I think this will turn out great in the end." She offered and almost flinched at how robotic she sounded. Hell, she was an actress, it was her job to hide her own feelings. Why can't she do this now? She sounded just pathetically disappointed.

 

"It will." Clarke unlaced her boots and placed them in the exact same spot as every evening. 

 

Lexa needed a change of topic. Now. She didn't know if she could stand talking about kissing Clarke any longer if that is the only thing she had been able to think about for days. And now, now it was the only thing she wanted to do. But, she wouldn't. She couldn't do that to Clarke who just recently noticed what a shithead of boyfriend she had and who still kind of was in a relationship with said shithead. 

 

And she couldn't do that to herself. If Clarke would turn her down, she didn't know what that would do to her. And she wasn't ready to be disappointed like this again. Hell, she never will.

 

The unsaid name was still haunting her on daily basis. The small golden ring that was now resting in the top drawer of her nightstand was her daily reminder of the fact that she really was miserable at being in a relationship. That she has left her only a couple of months after their wedding told her that.

 

"Are you hungry? I go and pick up some food from that Italian restaurant a couple of blocks down the road." She blurted out, hoping that this may be her chance of running away from the situation. If she would stay, she didn't know how long this would be going well for the both of them.

 

But, hey, when has fate ever been on her side? 

 

"I don't like the idea of you having to walk down a couple of blocks just to get me some food. We can just order pizza, okay?" The blonde smiled at her with her perfectly shaped and perfectly white tooth. 

 

The brunette sighed. She knew it would be kind of strange if she would insist on walking several hundreds of meters while it was dark and she was alone, so she didn't really have a choice. Now add that perfectly shaped Griffin-Smile and you definitely can't say no to that girl.

 

"Okay. I'll order some pizza then. Any special wishes?" She asked, trying to sound like she was in a great mood while she really wasn't.

 

"Nah, I'll be happy with anything you choose." The blonde replied, the grin still in place.

 

Lexa nodded and made her way into her bedroom to call the pizza service. It was kind of a strange habit, but she really couldn't do phone calls while there was anybody with her in the same room. Also, since she wouldn't get to walk away, this was the closest to running away that she would get this evening.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was in a great mood. Everything today went smoothly and she just was happy today without any real reason.

 

Except, that was a lie. She knew the reason very well and even thinking of it made her stomach almost explode with butterflies. Today, she finally got to kiss Lexa again and it just had felt incredibly great. Kissing her had felt like finally being able to breathe again or like coming home, even if there were like 50 crew-members watching them. She hadn't even noticed them. They had faded into a puddle of colors at the edge of her vision, because the only thing she had been able to see clearly was Lexa.

 

The brunette was a great kisser and somehow kissing her felt like she was someone special to Lexa. Not only some co-star that she had to kiss during a scene, no, it had felt as if she was more than that. And Clarke wasn't really bothered by the fact that this was probably just something her mind had made up, because she wanted it to be true. 

 

Kissing Lexa was in no means like kissing Finn. Her lips were so much gentler and softer than his rough, large and often chapped lips. It had felt so much softer than anything she had ever felt before. 

 

Finn, when he kissed her, was often times more rough, not really caring about the fact that Clarke actually loved when someone was treating her gently. Also, he mostly just kissed her when he wanted to have sex with her, so there was no real gentleness from his side.

 

She had allowed herself to get lost in that kiss, no matter how many people were watching. She didn't really notice them, so they didn't disturb her. Well, she didn't even hear the director yelling cut, because she had been to busy kissing Lexa. 

 

And it had felt as if the brunette was enjoying it too, because she had allowed Clarke use her tongue while kissing her. If somebody would just do it because it is their job, they wouldn't have granted Clarke entrance, would they? 

 

But that was the thing that was confusing Clarke right now to no end. The brunette seemed off all evening. She barely spoke to Clarke on the whole ride back and avoided eye-contact. And then there was the thing with her picking up food. There was no way that this wasn't some kind of lame excuse in order to run off. 

 

By now, Clarke, at least kind of, knew Lexa. The brunette tended to run away when things were too complicated or when things didn't went like she wanted them to. Right now it felt like she was running away again. If not physically, then at least mentally. And Clarke didn't want that to happen.

 

She decided that she would not bring that kiss up again anytime soon, because she didn't want Lexa to guard herself again. Maybe this would be the best if she really wanted to keep Lexa in her life. For now, Clarke decided, for now she would be happy to just be Lexa's friend, despite the fact that she'd much rather kiss her again. Maybe at some point in the future, she could think of something more again, for now, this had to be enough.

 

* * *

 

 

They were situated in front of the TV on the rather large couch with pizza in front of them. There was some lame rom-com playing on the TV, but Lexa wasn't paying any attention. Her mind was still racing, even if it was considerably better than before. She had maintained some much needed distance to Clarke on the couch while staring blankly at the TV.

 

There was still something she needed to talk to Clarke about. 

 

Marcus had talked to her earlier this day and he had made some requests due to the press-tour. At first he had talked about all this normal stuff, such as being polite to every fan who asked a question, no matter what happens and so on. Nothing she didn't know.

 

But there has indeed been something that she hadn't known before, since she had never been on a press tour with an onscreen-(and maybe even offscreen) love-interest. Marcus labeled the things he requested as completely normal and that these were things that other TV-couples needed to do often.

 

Kane had ordered that Lexa and Clarke had to act as if they were really close. Like really really close. 

 

Lexa had forgotten about this until the moment she had set her phone back down after calling the pizza service. In that moment, when she finally had been alone for a few seconds, this shot back in her mind.

 

Kane had told her that he would speak about that to Clarke first thing in the morning, but Lexa as stupid as she was, of course offered that she would talk to Clarke about that since they were living together. But that was before the kiss. And back then she had had absolutely no idea of how strong her body would react to actually kissing Clarke.

 

She knew that she had to bring this up now, but her she really didn't want to.

 

"Um, Clarke?" She asked carefully, trying to get the blonde's attention.

 

"Yeah?" the blonde asked, turning her head away from the TV in order to face Lexa. A gentle smile was visible on the blonde's face and Lexa couldn't help asking herself what put the blonde into this great mood, since she had been smiling all day.

 

"Kane approached me today. It's about the press-tour." She started, still trying to form coherent sentences in her head while the blonde was smiling at her like this. 

 

"Okay? What is about the tour?" The blonde asked, her smile now faltering, making space for a confused expression.

 

"Well, um, he told me something about how we should act while we are on official events such as interviews and so on." Lexa knew that she was beating around the bush, but she had absolutely no idea how she should explain it without blushing like a teenager when they see their crush. Which was exactly how she felt while she was around Clarke, by the way.

 

"Okay and how are we supposed to act?"

 

"Close." Was the only thing Lexa managed to get out. She hoped it would be enough, but of course it wasn't. She herself wouldn't really understand what she tried to say with that word if she didn't know what it meant. Clarke of course didn't know so she looked at her with a raised eyebrow and confusion written all over her face.

 

"What does close mean?" The blonde asked after a while, because Lexa didn't explain it further.

 

"Well, um, like touching us on occasion. Laugh at each others jokes, sometimes look at each other affectionately. I know this is a lot and Kane knows too, but he told me that this is kind of normal for TV-couples who are attending some events together, but I totally get it if that is too much, because that isn't really written down in your contract or anything else. If you don't want to, I could talk to Kane and say that we won't do it and-" She stopped dead in her tracks when she felt the blonde's finger on her lips. She had been rambling like a small child and was now blushing furiously.

 

"It's okay, Lex. I'll do it. But, I have to know what you are okay with." Clarke sounded so gentle that Lexa almost forgot all of her worries from earlier for a second.

 

"I-um, don't know. I'll be okay with what ever you are okay with." She stated before she could even think about what she had just said.

 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

 

Because as far as she knows, Clarke really has no problems with physical contact at all. She was that kind of person who was running around and was hugging everybody.

 

Great.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 


	9. You're gonna be okay

 

* * *

 

 

The week went by far too fast for Clarke's liking. She got to spend so much time with Lexa and she had really enjoyed getting to know her friend.

 

But now, she sat on the steps in front of her apartment, waiting for Finn to return from his spontaneous escape. She had dreaded this moment and would do everything that is possible in order to just skip this, but she knew she couldn't. This part of her life has to be over for good and it won't be as long as she didn't say what she wanted.

 

Finn had texted her that he will be home at about 10 pm, which was, according to Clarke's watch, right now.

 

The funny thing is that she has to wait outside of the apartment, because her landlord hasn't exchanged her lock during last week. But that guy had never been someone who was strict about promises and time-frames, he rather likes to go at his own speed, which means, no way into her apartment for Clarke as long as Finn isn't there.

 

The day at the set has been chilled. She only has had some minor scenes scheduled and those where mostly finished in one take. Between the shoots, she and Lexa would spend their time lounging around in either her room or Lexa's. Occasionally (mostly due to Clarke's never ending hunger) they would wander toward craft services and steal some granola bars, but that was about it. After shooting the final scene, Lexa had brought her here and had told her that Clarke could call her when she needed a ride home.

 

Home. She had said home. Not her apartment or something like that, no, the  brunette had said home and it made Clarke's stomach flutter. She wasn't sure why, but all she knew and all she needed to know was that it had felt great...

 

But what about Lexa didn't make her feel great? The way she was so tender with her when Clarke once again couldn't sleep due to horrible nightmares about her father's death. The way she can make Clarke laugh wholeheartedly. The way she always seems to be there for her. There where so many thing that she couldn't count, but there was one thing that topped these things by far.

 

Kissing her, even if it was only for a scene with dozens of people watching, kissing her was definitely the best.

 

It had been so tender, so gentle at first and then turned into becoming passionate. Back then, Clarke had let herself slip out of her role so she could enjoy this completely. Hell, she even used her tongue, which by the way was probably one of the poorest choices she had made considering that it could have turned out so much different than it actually did. Lexa could have pushed her away, she could have labeled her as a freak with delusions and so on, but she didn't. 

 

Lexa Woods has kissed her back just the same way, even battling for dominance. It kind of had felt real, but that was the thing.

 

To her it had felt real, but Lexa? She had no idea. The way the brunette has awkwardly tried to get away from her once they were home was showing Clarke the exact opposite. 

 

_Maybe she realized that it meant a little more to me than any other stupid film-kiss. That must be it._

 

But on the other hand, Lexa only held her at an arms length for that evening. After that things had returned to normal again and that was confusing Clarke to no end. She didn't dare to hope that the awkward behavior of Lexa that evening came from her thinking the exact same thing about the kiss as Clarke. That couldn't be true.

 

"What are you doing outside?" She heard the voice that she had dreaded so much to hear. Finn was walking out of the elevator with his suitcase dragged behind. He wore sunglasses, obviously trying to hide the dark circles beneath his eyes but failing since the sunglasses aren't dark enough. 

 

"Well, someone lost my keys and then I didn't see him for a whole week." She dead-panned. To every other person this obvious accusation would have been clear, but well, she was talking to Finn and seemingly that was an entirely different story. The floppy-haired man looked at her with confusion written all over his face, nothing told her that he understood what she just told him.

 

"Who lost your keys?" He asked, making Clarke roll her eyes. Why had she ever bothered dating him?

 

"Are you kidding me or are you really that stupid?" She asked with furrowed eyebrows. He couldn't be serious, right?

 

"What is that supposed to mean?" He sounded angry now and his posture told her that he most likely was, but this was not his turn to be angry at her, no, it was her turn to be angry at him. He deserved to finally hear what she thought about him.

 

"That means that you lost my keys and then flew to Las Vegas with your stupid friend for his bachelor party!" She knew that her neighbors could most likely hear her, but she didn't care. Everyone on this planet was allowed to know what an ass Finn Collins was in real life. She took a step forward and glared at him, which caused him to take a step back.

 

"I never even had your keys." He tried, but they both knew that this wasn't true. Finn loved driving with her car and he often lost his own keys so he borrowed hers. 

 

Knowing that he wanted to fool his way out of this, made Clarke angrier than before. How dare he to think that she is that stupid? She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, showing him that she didn't take his bullshit. "We both know that you like to show off my car." She merely responded, her voice cool and even. "Because you could never afford one like me since you don't put any effort into getting a new job. But who could blame you? You live in a great apartment for free, you can borrow you girlfriends expensive car and you have a girlfriend who earns enough money to pay for every one of your stupid parties." 

 

"I..I-um, I tried to get a new role every now and then." He once again tried to fool her.

 

"Every now and then? The last role you applied for was half a year ago and the one before that was even a year before that! Stop thinking that I am stupid enough to believe your shit anymore! I won't even try, because its over Finn! I am done!" She glared at him.

 

"But you know that you wrote my name into the renting contact? Half of this apartment is mine." He spat back. 

 

"I don't give a fuck about this fucking apartment, Finn! A dear friend of mine already offered me to move into their apartment with them! You can have my stupid apartment, Finn, but be aware that you could never afford it one I stop paying the bills!" She was fuming. How could anybody after they have literally broken up with only seconds ago think about some stupid apartment? Let alone Finn who hasn't worked in over two years and doesn't have any own money to support his excessive lifestyle? 

 

"Oh a 'dear friend', hm? For how long have you been sleeping with him?"He accused her, making her wanting to punch him. Seriously, why has she never notices how much of an asshole he is?

 

"What the fuck Finn? She is my co-star at the new series and not some guy I fuck because you like to fuck around, too!" She screamed. This accusation was based on nothing, but the guilty expression on Finn's face told her exactly what she has suspected for a very long time. 

 

 

"How...how, how did you.." His voice sounded broken and defeated now, much like the one of a child that has been reprimanded by their parents because they had done something wrong. 

 

"Oh I didn't, but thanks for telling me, you asshole! You know what? Since you are honest now, I should too! I never really loved you Finn! You were the safe choice, but never more!" That was a low-blow, she knew that but she was being honest and since she didn't plan on seeing him ever again, this should be off the table.

 

Oddly, the look of hurt that crossed his face managed to lift her mood a little bit. After she has had the confirmation that he was indeed the biggest douche on earth, this low-blow was exactly what she needed to do and what he needed to hear. Hopefully it would finally make his ego waver.

 

"You...you are lying, right?" Now he looked like a kicked puppy and Clarke just rolled her eyes.

 

"Yes, totally, Finn. I am not angry that you left me here without my keys and without warning and I am not angry at you for fucking around!" Her speech was dripping of sarcasm and she almost lost it completely when she saw the short moment of confusion on his face, but eventually he seemed to have understood that this was the purest form of sarcasm.

 

"I'll send some people to collect my stuff, which by the way is everything in your beautiful apartment." With that she rushed off, leaving Finn behind.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, you okay?" Lexa asked as soon as she came to an halt right in front of Clarke, who was waiting in front of her apartment-complex. She had been sure to collect the shattered pieces of her friend after the conversation with her now ex-boyfriend, but once she got a better look at the blonde, she saw absolutely no sadness. Clarke's expression was hard to read, too hard for her.

 

_What if she gave him another chance?_

 

The thought made her feel sick. The thought of Clarke being with that douchebag despite his actions was something that she couldn't allow, not for Clarke's sake.

 

"Yeah, can you just take me home? I'll explain everything then." The blonde sounded tired, but there was still some anger that was audible in her voice. She merely nodded in response and handed Clarke the helmet before they both took off toward their home.

 

Once they arrived, Lexa let Clarke settle onto the couch, handed her the most comfortable blanket she possessed and made her a cup of hot chocolate. This setting reminded her far too much of the first evening that Clarke had spend here last week because Finn had left without leaving a key for her behind.

 

She didn't push the topic, but rather she settled down next to the blonde and waited for her to be ready to talk about it. From her own experiences, she knew that pushing a uncomfortable topics only makes it harder to talk about them.

 

"He cheated on me." Clarke mumbled, her voice now scratchy and sounding defeated. There was no anger left, which was most likely due to the fact that the adrenaline has left her system by now.

 

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. "He cheated on you? Did he say that into your face?" She asked. If that was true, she didn't know if she could restrain herself if she saw him again. If she was so lucky to call Clarke hers, she would make sure that she lives like a princess in paradise. She would make her breakfast every day and she would make sure that there is dinner for her in the evening. She would go out with her on many dates and she sure as hell would tell her every damn day how beautiful, on the inside and out, she really is. She would never fuck her over, simply because having someone like Clarke, no, not someone, having Clarke would mean the world to her.

 

"I've had suspicions before, but today...he confirmed it." She paused, but was obviously not finished. "Lex?" She asked.

 

Lexa opened her arms for the blonde to cuddle into her. By now she knew that Clarke was a cuddler and that this would make her even more comfortable, even if it made Lexa wanting so much more. After the blonde had settled comfortably, her head placed on Lexa's chest and her arm draped around the brunette's waist, Lexa hummed for her to continue.

 

"Why have I ever even bothered dating him? He is an asshole." 

 

At that Lexa chuckled a little bit. Not that it actually fitted into the situation, but somehow she couldn't refrain from doing so. And feeling that the blonde was chuckling too, told her that this slip wasn't a bad one. "I don't know if I am honest, but I think you did because as long as you were with him you weren't alone." She gently placed a hand on the blonde's back and began stroking soothing patterns on her back.

 

She knew that there would never be more than friendship, but that made it only more important to her to be the best friend possible to the blonde. She wanted to be there for her as long as the blonde let her.

 

"Now I am." Was the almost whimpered reply and it made Lexa shake her head violently.

 

"No, Clarke, you are never alone. You have your friends and you have me. I can't speak for them but I can say that I'll be there for you for as long as you need and want me to." 

 

"At some point you will grow tired of me, just like everyone else." This hurt the brunette deeply. She hadn't known about Clarke's self-consciousness, or rather not to that extend. But, it made sense to her. She had witnessed the strained relationship between mother and daughter, she had heard from Clarke that there are actually a lot of so called friends that have left her after she became famous and now the thing with Finn cheating on her. These were all things that one couldn't simply forget and knowing Clarke by now, she knew that the blonde has had bottled her whole emotions up.

 

"No, Clarke." She gently cupped the blonde's cheek and coaxed her into looking at her. "I will not leave you, I promise. I am glad to have you in my life and as long as you want me, I'll be by your side." 

 

Now the blonde had tears in her eyes, but Lexa could see that she was fighting against them. "You are allowed to cry, Clarke. It doesn't make you weak, it only shows that you are human." With that tears were streaming down the blonde's cheeks and she was burying her face in the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa let the blonde cry, simply because she knew how hard it was to always maintain a strong appearance in front of others. 

 

They sat there until the early morning hours. The summer sun was already peaking through the window when Lexa felt the blonde's breathing evening out. They only had a few hours to rest, because they had to go to work soon, but these few hours will have to do. She checked one last time if the blonde was soundly asleep before carrying her into her bedroom bridal style. She didn't want her to suffer from neck and backache one they had to go to work.

 

Once she was about to leave the room, she could hear a small, hoarse voice from behind her. "Stay." Was the only thing said and she knew that she couldn't leave now, not even when she knew that the blonde was asleep and wouldn't even notice her absence.

 

She turned around and slipped beneath the covers beside Clarke. It didn't take long until she felt that the blonde was scooting closer and cuddling her. Clarke gripped the material of her shirt tightly and nuzzled into the crook of her neck once again.

 

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay." She mumbled, gently stroking the girl's hair.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	10. Ridiculous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is somewhat short, but my boss called and said that I have to come to work, so yeah. I am sorry for that...

 

* * *

 

"Wow, what happened to the two of you? You look like haven't slept in days." Their stylist exclaimed once they were settled in their respective seats to get hair and make up done. Today there were some rather plot-relevant scenes for the final episode planned, so despite the circumstances, their acting had to be on point. The high pitched voice of their stylist clearly didn't help Lexa's headache. Other than Clarke, she hasn't slept at all because she told herself that if the blonde would wake up, she would be there for her.

 

"Long night." She mumbled. Lexa knew that he would ask more questions because he was addicted to gossip and she also knew that it wouldn't take him long to make assumptions about why their night had been a long one.

 

"Partying on weekdays is not to recommend, especially when you have to look absolutely stunning the next day, my darling." She resisted rolling her eyes at him. If she was being honest, she hated parties like nothing else, well, except maybe Finn right now. She would only go to some because her publicist makes her keep up public appearances, other than that, she was more of a homey person.

 

"Definitely no party, and you know that." She mumbled back, trying to get off the topic. There was clearly nobody that she was going to tell about her friends misery. She wouldn't betray Clarke's trust, never. 

 

"Well, one could hope that you would finally get your head out of your own ass. Live a little, Ms. Woods. You are young, insanely beautiful and single for far too long." She hated how he seemed to know everything about her just by reading some magazines and the tabloids. This was definitely a negative aspect of her career that she loved nonetheless. Still, she had near to nothing of an private life which was bugging her. Every time when she read a headline that included her name, it was either because of some made up relationship with some of her friends, like Roan or Bellamy or about some made up scandal. 

 

She didn't want to know what would happen when they would find out that she is gay...

 

That was something that was stopping her from being out to the world. She herself had no issue with her sexuality and a lot of people she worked with know already, but only the ones that she trust to not sell the story to the tabloids. She has had many discussions about that topic with Clarke, who told her that she was bisexual, but never openly dated a woman since becoming famous. Today, the society was already more open minded about these things, but there were still so many people who are claiming that being gay is a disease or something and that was exactly what Lexa feared. Her coming out could be the end of her career, simply because there were people who would then refrain from watching her movies, because she is gay.

 

A couple of years ago, there had already been some rumors about her and a former co-star, Costia Greene, but her publicist somehow managed to get them to die down, even if they were kind of true. Back then they went on a couple of dates, but nothing serious ever came from it, mostly due to the fact that Costia was pissed that Lexa wasn't ready to be outed. They had fought often about it and now looking back, Lexa regretted how they parted ways. Because she had really liked her and now knowing that she would never see her again...it made her stomach hurt.

 

She really thought that one day she could love Costia, she really did, but it seemed that she hadn't been enough. Costia had always claimed that she was proud to call herself Lexa's girlfriend and that she wanted the world to know how happy she was. Lexa had wanted that too, and maybe, if things hadn't ended this quickly, she might have been ready to share her biggest secret.

 

She has been single ever since. Sometimes, her publicist would call her and tell her that she has a date with some of the most handsome, richest and most famous young men in hollywood, the politics and the business world, just for show of course. These men were payed, just to keep up her masquerade. 

 

"Is it true that Roan and you are back together?" Her stylist interrupted her thoughts and ripped her out of her daze.

 

_Of course, Roan and I dating. There is nothing that sounds more ridiculous than that._ She really wanted to say that, but she wouldn't. Her manager would kill her if she would spill anything to the, as she likes to call her stylist, 'gossip girl' on set.

 

"Nah...its complicated and I rather have him as my friend." This was an answer she could give. Vague and far off from specific. 

 

In the corner of her eye she saw Clarke, who was looking at her, one eyebrow raised and a confused look on her face. Lexa almost wanted to laugh. She silently told Clarke that she would explain everything once they were done here. For now it was simply the best her stylist does only know half of the truth.

 

"But you were so cute together. I almost thought that I would get a wedding invitation any moment." He whined, leaving Lexa to try hard to swallow down the laughter that was making it's way up her throat. She and Roan married? That was just insane. 

 

"No, I am not really the type to settle down this early." She replied, hoping that this would stop his prying, but who was she kidding? Of course it did not.

 

"Well, it's not as if you would have to suddenly buy a bi house and have like six children, even if they were absolutely adorable, because I mean just look at the two of you. I am just saying that I would have celebrated your wedding probably more than my own one." He was rambling and if she wasn't totally annoyed by him, she would probably think of it as adorable, but right now she just wanted him to shut up.

 

"I guess we have to go out now. Ready, Woods?" Clarke asked, now standing right beside the stylist, looking at her through the mirror. 

 

"Um, yes, you are tight. Marcus wanted to talk with us about the scene beforehand." She apologized herself and got up and out of the room as fast as possible, followed by Clarke. "You are a saint." She said once they were far enough. If it wouldn't have been totally weird, she would kiss Clarke right now. But that would be totally weird, right?

 

"I saw how uncomfortable you were." She paused and then looked at Lexa with a mischievous smirk plastered on her face. "You and Roan then, hm?" The blonde burst into laughter and Lexa did the same. The imagination of the whole thing was just too ridiculous to handle. 

 

"Imagine me. Married to Roan Azgeda, son of the, and he called her that way, Ice bitch and giving birth to six children. Oh my god, that would be great." She laughed and grabbed Clarke's shoulder for support, because her stomach began hurting from the whole laughter and she had to bend over. "Six...not just one or two, no, six!" 

 

"Well, who wouldn't want to throw their career away at the mere age of 22 just to be tied to the stove?" Clarke was laughing, too and Lexa found that this was probably her favorite sound in the whole world.

 

For a short moment, the laughter died down, but Clarke spoke up again, which caused them both to bend over again. "Lexa Azgeda, the super-mother." 

 

"You better be joking, Clarke." Marcus stepped up next to them, his own smile on his face.

 

* * *

 

 

The day of shooting had gone smoothly, only interrupted when either Clarke or Lexa brought up the conversation from earlier which ended in them bursting into laughter and having to re-shoot a couple of scenes several times. But in the end, everybody was happy with the result and they wrapped filming for this season.

 

"Fist of all, I have to thank the actors and the crew for putting off an incredible performance. You did great, guys and I am more than excited to finally see the whole thing on screen. We all had our fair share of concerns throughout this season, I guess. The most recently added concern is now that one of our actors, I guess this person knows that I am talking about her, suddenly decides to settle down and get six children." His speech was interrupted by some gasps and shocked expressions, but mainly by Clarke and Lexa's laughter. 

 

"Anyway, I just want to thank you all for the effort you put into this, so thank you!" Everyone clapped, even Clarke and Lexa who were still chuckling like the biggest fools on earth.

 

"I hope that I really don't have to worry about this, Lexa. I don't know how to write something like this into the plot." He winked at her and she shook her head, still chuckling.

 

"I'd rather marry Clarke over here than Roan." Once this left her lips, her laughter suddenly died down. She couldn't have possibly said that out loud, right? There was no way she would say something like that, at least not as long as Clarke was standing right beside her, still laughing and seemingly not catching up Lexa's embarrassment.

 

"I love you, too, honey. Have you given out the invitations yet?" The blonde mocked from her spot right beside Lexa, who was still blushing, but has started to laugh again. She couldn't help how the words affected her. She felt her stomach flutter and the heat rising in her cheeks. Clarke Griffin will be the end of her.

 

"Well, I certainly hope that I am on the list of invited guests, ladies." Marcus winked and laughed too.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone who didn't know about the whole situation might have thought that they were high as a kite, or at least drunk as fuck, but the truth was that just Clarke's presence was intoxicating enough for Lexa to talk nonsense for the rest of the party. She had never felt this great, not this happy. And this all was due to Clarke.

 

She didn't want to think of how distant they would have remained if Clarke wouldn't have been somewhat homeless for an entire week and Lexa wouldn't have proposed that she could stay in her apartment while she was waiting for her locks to be exchanged.

 

Their friendship would have more than just the slightest bit different from what it was now. They wouldn't have shared so many stories during the past week and they most certainly wouldn't be living together right now. Lexa would still live alone in her far too big apartment and Clarke might still be in her toxic relationship with Finn.

 

"The party was great, but I am honestly happy that we will have a break from filming. The past months have been quit exhausting." Clarke sighed as soon as they stepped into the apartment.

 

They didn't really have a break, since they would start their press-tour in two days, meaning, their flight will be tomorrow evening.

 

"Well, some scenes were indeed emotionally draining."  _Such as our kissing-scenes._ She wanted to say, but didn't. It would only cause Clarke to freak out and question her performance, which by the way had been incredible. By now Lexa had learned that Clarke herself was always showing off her confident side, but the truth was that she was anything but confident. Nearly every evening she asks Lexa what she could have done better and every time Lexa had to tell her that she wouldn't have done anything differently. Other than that, there were Clarke's late-night visits when she can't fall asleep alone because she was having nightmares and so on. Truth to be told, Clarke wasn't really a confident person at all, but to Lexa that didn't matter. Lexa loved that Clarke wasn't putting on some kind of mask while being around her. She loved the way they could be honest with each other.

 

"But now we have to focus on the press-tour. " She mumbled.

 

* * *

 


	11. The Start Of The Press-Tour

 

* * *

 

 

"Good morning, ladies. I hope you had some rest during your two days off, because this might be more exhausting than shooting." Marcus winked at them. They had just entered the airport and were now waiting on their flight alongside Kane, Wells Jaha and some other staff members who were there to support them.

 

"Well, not really. Planning a wedding is not really something you would do to relax." Lexa deadpanned, bringing a topic up that had caused a lot of time go wasted by laughter. She still couldn't believe how ridiculous it would be to marry one of her best friends. Well, in Clarke's case...she really wanted to slap herself for even thinking about something like that. How could she allow her brain to think of these things? 

 

"Oh right, I forgot. How are Jimmy, Timmy, Kimmy, Minnie, Ginny and Winnie?" He asked and it took Lexa a short moment to connect the dots, but once she understood, she burst out into laughter. There was no way in hell that any of these names would be actual names of her hypothetical children, but it was still funny.

 

The conversation flowed on about various topics, such as where they would have pannels, where they would give interviews and to whom. They also spoke to Wells about some of his upcoming projects since he was a wanted director right now and Lexa found that Clarke was enjoying his stories a little too much. Not that she could blame her, not really. Wells is a good-looking young man who is successful and much to Lexa's dismay really charming. 

 

She felt her fists clench at her sides, trying to resolve some tension that had build up in her body while watching Clarke and Wells interacting. Was that jealousy? Probably. But in all honesty, she had no right to be jealous of Wells. Clarke wasn't hers, no matter how much she actually wanted the blonde to be, and so she was free to flirt around with everybody she wants to flirt with. Still, the feeling that bubbled up in Lexa's stomach caused her to turn away and seek the conversation with Kane, because she couldn't stand the sight anymore.

 

She really tried to focus on what Kane was saying, but her thoughts always drifted towards a certain blonde who was no currently laughing at something the young producer had said. She only snapped back into reality when Kane looked at her. It was obvious that he had asked her a question, but she had absolutely no idea what they had talked about at all. At some point she heard something about the reactions of some pre-watchers, but that was like ten minutes ago.

 

"Excuse me, what is it we were talking about?" She asked in a ridiculously sweet voice. It was already rude that she hadn't listened to her boss talking.

 

"We talked about some season three story-lines. One might be about Alicia and Elyza taking their relationship to the next level." He winked at her and Lexa almost choked on her water that she was currently drinking.

 

"Um,- like you know, ah..., a love-scene?" She stumbled upon her words and really fought the blush that was creeping up her face. The mere thought of shooting a sex-scene with Clarke sent shivers down her spine. It wouldn't be real of course, but still...she would have to be impossibly close to her and she had no idea of how she was supposed to survive that.

 

"Yes. I think that after starting your characters' relationship in this season, season three should be all about developing it. We have to show the world that LGBTQ characters deserve to have their own story-line. The last couple of years have been rather devastating for your community and I really want to make things right. Are you okay with that?" He asked, hope visible in his eyes. Lexa loved how passionate Kane was about this topic, just like almost everyone on set, too. It really showed her that things can be different.

 

"You are right. It would be a great step into the right direction for our characters as well as for our community. Representation matters and therefore I think that we should do it. Clarke will be on board too." She assured him that her co-star would have no issues at all with their characters developing a stronger relationship. The past discussions about what national and international TV was doing wrong made her really confident that Clarke would have no problems with it.

 

"Great, then that is already settled. We will somehow write it into the story. What do you think about a small time jump?" He then asked her and as soon as she heard it, she shook her head. A time jump was a terrible idea.

 

"No, I don't think that that would be a great idea. Too many things can happen in such a short amount of time when you live in the setting of the series. We would leave many questions out there to whom you somehow would have to find an answer." There was no way a group of people would survive without any losses during a time jump and even if they would write that a character or two died, it wouldn't feel right. If a character was to die, they deserved respect by at least showing how they died.

 

"You got a valid point there. I will still discuss this option with our other writers, but I will make sure that your opinion matters." He nodded at her with a friendly smile. And somehow, she had managed to push a certain blonde from her mind for the time she was talking to Kane. So, she tried to keep the conversation flowing , even if it only was to keep Clarke out of her thoughts. 

 

"What about you finally killing of Rick? I feel like he has no real purpose." She proposed. Rick was a character who had shown almost no character-development and who never really pushed the story forward. In her opinion, there was no way that he was necessary for season three, even if she somehow valued every character.

 

"I thought about that, too. We can rather introduce a newer, more deep character than keeping him around. What about Clarke's boyfriend? He is an actor, too right?" He asked. Obviously he had no idea about the blonde's situation at all, which was kind of a miracle. Also, the thought of having Finn in the series made her feel sick in her stomach. There was no way she would let him near Clarke again, only when the blonde wanted him to be a part of her life.

 

"Bad idea." She mumbled, not really sure what she was allowed to say to Kane. It was probably the for the best if she would tell him the truth, so he would safely refrain from giving Finn an call, but she wasn't sure if Clarke would want her to talk about it. 

 

"Why is that?" Kane asked surprised and Lexa took a deep breath. She would have to talk to Clarke for a moment, so she could be sure about what she can say and what not.

 

"Give me a second. I'll just talk to Clarke for a second." She internally dreaded turning around, because she knew that Clarke would still stand there and talk to Wells, but she knew that she couldn't just spill the beans without having Clarke's consent. So, she turned around and walked towards the two. 

 

"Hey, Clarke. Do you have a second?" She whispered into the blonde's ears while trying to ignore how much it hurt to be this close to her and yet so far away.

 

"Yes." The blonde excused herself and then took Lexa's hand so she could lead her away. Once again, the pure contact made her feel like her skin is on fire and she mentally cursed the blonde for being just this perfect. There was no way in hell that this will end well for her. At some point she might do something stupid...something she would regret later. "So what do you want to talk about?" The blonde asked, her head tilted slightly to the right.

 

"Kane kinda proposed that Finn should play a new character and I am really trying to get him away from this terrible idea, but I don't know if you are comfortable with me sharing the story with him, so I just thought I'd ask now." She nearly stuttered, but somehow managed to keep her voice kind of even. Clarke's eyes had went comically wide when she heard of Finn being a possible option for a new character, not that she was to blame for it, of course. Lexa would have definitely reacted the same if...no that was another story for another day.

 

"Please...stop him. You can tell him everything." The blonde pleaded and it looked like she now had struggles with breathing, because she place her hand above her heart and her breathing had become ragged. Lexa sprung into action and carefully took the hand that was placed above Clarke's heart and placed it above her own one, which was probably beating a lot more steadily. 

 

"Hey, Clarke. It's alright. Come on. I need you to breathe with me, okay?" She asked. The blonde nodded and looked at her with tears in her eyes. "Okay. Now watch my breathing and match it, okay?" She had sped up her own breathing so that it was possible for Clarke to match. When she saw that the blonde was matching her pace, she gently slowed her breathing down at a steady pace. She could see that Clarke's breathing evened out and so she closed the distance between them and hugged her. Clarke eagerly buried her face into her neck and she could feel a wet stain forming on her dress-shirt, but it didn't bother her. Right now she only wanted to make Clarke feel better. "You okay?" She whispered carefully. She felt Clarke nod against her neck.

 

"Sorry about your shirt." The blonde mumbled, once she had taken a step back from Lexa who was looking at her with utmost concern. 

 

 "Don't be. It's just a shirt. Are you okay?" She once again asked. 

 

"Yeah, but you have to stop them before they really think of writing a character, played by Finn into the plot. I don't know if I would be able to proceed shooting with him around." The blonde mumbled and it was really hard to understand her, but Lexa tried her very best. 

 

"I won't let him near you, okay? If they won't see reason, I will tell them that, if Finn joins, they have to find themselves a new lead." She meant it. If the story wouldn't convince them, she would threaten them with exiting the show despite her being the lead. 

 

"You would do that?" Clarke asked her with big eyes, almost as if Lexa was about to sacrifice herself for her right now. Well, maybe she was but not to the extent that deserves to be looked on with these eyes. Marcus would never trade Finn for her and she knew that, so there wasn't really a risk at all.

 

"Yes, of course." She replied. Almost she had let the sentence 'I'd do anything for you' slip, but thank god she somehow managed to avoid it. Despite it being true, she didn't want to freak Clarke out more than she already was right now. There was no need to pour salt into an open wound.

 

"Thank you." Clarke answered and once again hugged her tightly.

 

* * *

 

 

"What was that about? Is Clarke okay?" Kane asked with a concerned expression on his face. 

 

"For now." Lexa replied, her lips pressed into a tight line. "You wanted to know why I think that Finn would be a bad idea, right?" She received a nod and so she proceeded. "Well, they broke up not that long ago." This was only the smallest part of the truth, but she hoped that she could avoid telling everything by convincing them with parts of the whole thing.

 

"That is a shame. But I think Clarke would agree, too that sometimes we have to push personal matters behind the professional ones." Kane replied. Basically, he was right, but still, there was no way in hell that Lexa would let Finn be in the series.

 

"Well, she would, but things really didn't end smoothly. Two weeks ago, he lost her keys and then flew off to Vegas for a Bachelor-Party, leaving Clarke without a way into her own apartment. Since then, she had been living with me in my apartment and a few days ago, when he finally returned, she broke up with him. Turns out that he was a cheating bastard, too. Not to mention the fact that he was using her for her money." She could rant on for hours, but she wouldn't for Clarke's sake. Not everybody had to know everything.

 

"Well, that does change my view slightly...so no Finn?" He once again asked which was answered by Lexa with a vehement shake of her head. 

 

"No Finn. Not now, not ever. Now, if you would excuse me, I will look after Clarke and see if she is doing better again." Also to deliver the great news, but mainly she wanted to make sure that she was feeling well again and that Wells wasn't suffocating her with his whole attention, because despite them getting along well before Clarke's panic-attack, the blonde now looked somehow uncomfortable with his arms draped over her shoulders.

 

This was definitely one of the times that she enjoyed having to wait in a separate room and not with everyone else in the main waiting area.

 

She ignored Wells completely when she knelt down in front of Clarke. It almost looked as if the blonde's eyes lit up upon seeing her, but that must be her mind playing foul tricks with her right now. She gently smiled at Clarke and placed her palms on the blonde's knees. "How are you doing?" She asked carefully.

 

"Better thanks to you. Sorry again for ruining your shirt." Lexa couldn't help chuckling at the blonde while in the same moment she had to shake her head. Clarke always would think of others needs first before she would concentrate on her own ones.

 

"Once again, don't be. It's just a shirt, I can wash it. Also, I can gladly tell you that there will be no Finn in the upcoming season." She smiled reassuringly at the woman she had grown to like so much and this small, reassuring smile grew bigger when she saw Clarke smiling brightly at her, while a sigh of relief escaped the blonde's lips.

  
"Thank you so much, Lex-I don't know what I'd do without you." The blonde said while pulling Lexa into a bone-crushing hug. Wells, who was still sitting next to them was now long forgotten, because Lexa couldn't really focus on anything other than Clarke's smell and her warmth. Every other thought was blocked out right now.

 

She had no idea how long they stayed like that, but suddenly they were interrupted by Kane clearing his throat behind them. "We can bord the plane now, so sorry for the interruption, but we have to go now." 

 

"This is going to be interesting." Lexa muttered under her breath. From now on she was supposed to act super close to Clarke, not that she didn't want to, no, that was not the issue. She just had no idea how she was supposed to handle that without making a fool out of herself.

 

* * *

 

 


	12. Mask your feelings

 

* * *

 

 

They walked together down the hall and it didn't take them long to notice the dozens of photographers and journalists right outside of their hotel. They both sighed and braced themselves for the onslaught of questions. This was a kind of annoying part of being in the public eye. Somehow everybody always knew where you are and what you are about to do, then add several journalists who like to make up some stories and you might get a perfect picture of the situation.

 

Lexa shifted her body between Clarke and the photographers, effectively shielding the blonde from them. She had known that almost every question that was thrown at their heads would be about the rather spectacular break-up of the seemingly perfect couple. "Why did you end things with FInn?" one shouted and got ignored. Another one asked whether or not Clarke misses him and so on. With every following question, Lexa could feel that Clarke felt worse. Gently she placed a hand on the smaller girl's back and led her toward the limo that was supposed to drive them to their first interview of the tour. 

 

Yesterday they had checked in and after that relaxed from the stress that the journey had caused. In the evening, Marcus invited everybody to join him in the restaurant of the hotel. Today the real hectic would begin and the photographers' questions were already the first bump in the road. Lexa felt bad for Clarke. She herself had gone through this twice already, too, so she knew exactly how the blonde must feel right now. You kinda feel used. They aren't really interested in you but rather in the stories that surround you. So many celebrities already broke apart due to this pressure. You have to live the perfect life in order to be uninteresting for them, but not too perfect, because then they would always try to get some home stories or other shit from you. 

 

Once they were settled in the limo, Lexa allowed Clarke to cuddle up in her side, because she knew exactly how badly the blonde was affected by it. It wasn't as if Clarke regretted breaking up with Finn...it was the constant snooping around in her life. At least was that what the blonde had told her.

 

Once she was settled in her embrace, Lexa started gently caressing the blonde's back. It hurt her to see Clarke go through something like this and she feared that the whole break-up with Finn would be in the focus of the fan Q&A's. 

 

"You were doing great out there. Nobody out there has a right to snoop around your life like this." She gently murmured. It was Clarke's life and the fact that she just broke up with her boyfriend should be her personal issue, not one that literally covers every glamour magazine. Hell, that story even topped the British royals. 

 

"Sometimes I just wish that nobody knows me. I really love acting but sometimes I feel like my life would have been so much easier when I would have chosen a normal career. At least then I would have my privacy." Clarke muttered. Lexa knew that the blonde was on the verge of tears, but wouldn't let them fall, because they would arrive at the location soon. A crying Clarke Griffin might be even worse than a freshly broken-up Clarke Griffin.

 

"Any then you might have never met Finn, which would be another positive thing, but still, I know that you love this job too much to just throw it away. Also, I know you would never trade acting for a normal job." Lexa offered. Clarke was even more into this job than she was, which meant a lot.

 

Lexa left out that if Clarke wouldn't be acting, they would have never met.

 

Saying something like that would be, despite it being true, too much. Couples said these things to each other, not friends and roommates.

 

"Sometimes it is almost creepy how well you know me." Clarke mumbled and Lexa felt the blonde nuzzle her face in her neck. Her heart skipped a beat and after that began thumping wildly in her chest. She was afraid that Clarke might notice it. But if the blonde did in fact notice it, she didn't comment on it. 

 

"I do my best."  _Only for you._ She wanted to say, but somehow she managed to catch the words before thy were escaping her throat. Why does she need to fuck everything good in her life up? 

 

"I know and I am so happy that I met you. Without you I would still be stuck in a relationship with one of the biggest douches on earth and I wouldn't have someone who is always there for me, who supports me and who somehow manages to lighten my mood by just making some stupid comment or remark." Clarke looked up at her and Lexa felt her breath hitch in her throat. It would be so easy for her to just lean down right now and capture these perfect lips, but she knew that she couldn't do that. Clarke needed her as a friend and right now Lexa would be just that for her.

 

* * *

 

 

 _She looks so freaking gorgeous from here. Her perfectly chiseled jaw-line, her green eyes and her plum lips. Why does she have to be this perfect?_ Clarke really wanted to stop thinking about her friend like this, but she just couldn't help it. Somehow the brunette manages to make her heart flutter, her breath hitch and her stomach turn upside down. Every time, Clarke needed someone, she was there for her, held her and calmly reassured her. Lexa had also been the one to finally open her eyes regarding her already failed relationship with Finn.

 

There was no way that Lexa would view her as anything other than a friend. 

 

 _But I felt her breath hitch just seconds ago._ Clarke's brain screamed, because she had indeed heard the brunette's breath catch. But, that had to be due to something different, maybe Clarke looked really defeated right now. That had to be it. Nothing else.

 

 _But I swear that I just caught her glancing down at my lips._ Her brain exclaimed once again, just to be shut down again. There was no way that she would ruin this great friendship because she might or might not harbor some feelings for Lexa. The risks were too high. Clarke feared that she might lose her friend if the feelings weren't requited. Lexa would think of her as a freak or something close to it. 

 

"We're there." The driver's monotonous voice broke them out of their haze and they both broke apart quickly, suddenly feeling awkward as hell. 

 

Lexa exited the car first and offered Clarke a hand to get out of the car. It was not necessary due to their rather casual clothing, but it was just something that Lexa did always. Ever the gentlewoman. And if Clarke wouldn't have been head over heels for the beautiful brunette until now, this would at least make her swoon. Finn never had helped her out of the car, no had he opened a door for her and so on. When their hands connected, it was time for Clarke's breath to catch. Somehow this simple gesture felt insanely powerful.

 

"After you, Miss Clarke Abigail Griffin." Lexa waved her hand dramatically toward the entrance which made Clarke laugh. Yes, she had been right when she had told the brunette that she always manages to ease up her mood by little gestures. 

 

But, there was something she knew by now. Lexa would only ever start to act like this when they either had been bantering for quite a while or when she was nervous and tries to conceal it. The first definitely wasn't the case since the tension between them had almost been touchable. At least was that what Clarke had felt like.

 

She tried to shift her focus toward the upcoming interview. The press-tour needed a proper start and she couldn't ruin it by being a babbling mess due to her feelings, even if she was probably right that. 

 

_Hell, you are an actress, Griffin!  Just slip on that perfect little mask and hide all the feelings behind it. Play the role you do the best..._

 

Just as if a button had been pushed, Clarke plastered an almost perfectly formed fake-smile on her features. Nobody in there would notice that this wasn't real, they will never be able to look past the blockade....except, there was one person who seemed to be able to do just that. And, this person was right now looking at her with something close to concern in her green eyes, but knew better than to ask. 

 

For someone who doesn't know them, it might seem strange that they know each other so well. They had known each other only for a couple of months and were friends for an even shorter amount of time, but the fact that they both were open to each other brought them together. They are honest with each other and they help each other out with almost every issue they had. Almost. The issue with Clarke's feelings for her friend will most likely never touch the surface, not as long as Clarke is still in charge.

 

* * *

 

 

"How would you describe you characters' dynamic in the upcoming season?" The reporter asked. Up until now, every question had been about work, but Clarke would be stupid if she would believe that it would stay like this.

 

"It's great to see how the writers wrote Elyza into the story. At first I had my doubts about it, but now seeing how well this character fits into the whole dynamic is great. It's like a fresh breeze." Lexa supplied and Clarke was incredible grateful that the brunette had been taking the lead today.

 

"I agree with that. I was really surprised how well our character's clicked. I really like their dynamic." Was the reply that Clarke gave the red-haired journalist. There was so much more that she wanted to say, but couldn't. Marcus had told them explicitly that they were in no way allowed to talk about the relationship of their characters.

 

"Well, since we are already taking about dynamic...is there any relationship for Alicia in sight? I mean she has been single for quite some time now." Clarke could see that Lexa was fighting a smirk. The relationship that actually will happen, is something that nobody might expect. Yes, it is well-known that Lexa's character, Alicia, is bisexual, but until know nothing has ever come from it other than some background-stories.

 

"We have some great development in her life. Yes, you are right that she has been single for quite some time,  but that was because she literally lost her boyfriend and had to get over him before actually being able to move on. So we'll have to wait and see." Lexa answered the question. Clarke didn't feel the need to say anything, too, simply, because it was Lexa's character and not hers.

 

"So I guess we have to just stay tuned for this, am I right?" The journalist asked, which was answered with a slight nod by Clarke. "Okay. Now, I know you are probably already tired of hearing this and having to answer questions about it, but I asked a lot of people on twitter on what they want to know and well, this was right on the top list."  _Oh no._ Clarke knew exactly where this was heading and she didn't like it one bit. Still, she couldn't really blame the woman that sat across from them, she was just doing her job and until now, she had been a true professional. Not like the whole paparazzi who just want a juicy story. "What do you think of the rumors?" 

 

Okay this was something she hadn't expected. She had no idea what the woman was talking about. The break-up with Finn was in no possible way just a rumor. It was very much confirmed by both parts. So what could she be talking about?

 

"Excuse me? I am not really sure if I know what you are talking about." Lexa asked politely.

 

"You don't? Well, then I guess I will help you out. Ever since your break-up with Finn Collins, Ms. Griffin, there have been rumors that maybe the two of you hit off, since you have been seen together quite often." The journalist carefully stated which earned her a gaping Clarke and a coughing Lexa, who had just been trying to take a sip of the water thatt had been set in front of them.

 

That was indeed something she hasn't heard of yet.

 

The thought of dating Lexa made her feel all warm on the inide, but she quickly pushed these feelings aside. There was no point in enjoying a lie. "That's cute, but no. Lexa and I aren't together, we're just great friends and are currently living together." Clarke answered hastily and gently padded Lexa's back to ease her coughing while plastering a grin on her face.

 

Lexa's coughing stopped and Clarke could see that she was masking a laugh to point out the ridiculousness of that statement. 

 

Because that was exactly what Clarke's feelings toward the brunette: ridiculous. Ridiculous on so many levels, but mainly ridiculously strong and real.

 

* * *

 

 


	13. Solution

 

* * *

 

 

"I, uh, really feel like an idiot right now." Clarke muttered under her breath once they were again seated in the back of the limo. They had answered some more questions of twitter, but that had been it. Not to mention that after hearing what the people were thinking of them, their dynamic felt really really awkward. It had been so painfully obvious that both, Lexa and herself, didn't know how to deal with these rumors.

 

"Me too. I haven't heard anything about these rumors. How could this have gone past us?" Lexa asked, her eyebrows furrowed. 

 

That was a valid question. Normally, their fans tended to post about these things regularly. At least that had been the case when Finn and she had gotten together. Back then her whole timeline on twitter consisted of cute photos and edits made by fans but also paparazzi. So, why has neither of them heard anything about this? It wasN't that she was bothered by this, of course not. She wasn't bothered by the fact that people were picturing them together. Rather, she was bothered by the fact that she hadn't heard anything of it. Okay, well, that isn't true. She is truly upset about it not being true.

 

The moment they had shared on their way over to the interview had felt so real. Now, Clarke cursed herself for letting it slip. It had been her chance to show Lexa what she was truly feeling, and yet she didn't. She had heard the brunette's breath hitch, she had seen her glancing down at her lip, she had felt the tension between them and yet she didn't close the distance between them. 

 

So, all they were was friends. Friends. The word ran on repeat in her head and every time she heard it, she hated it more and more. 

 

"I don't know. Normally they would tag us everywhere. Even on pictures that we aren't even on." Clarke muttered again. She knew that she sounded frustrated, though she also knew that Lexa would link this frustration to the fact that they hadn't known and not the real reason. 

 

"It's a cute rumor, though. I think that it might get you break-up with Finn out of the spotlight. Now they have other things to focus on." Lexa added with a playful wink, successfully easing up Clarke's mood.

 

The blonde still didn't know how the brunette could do this. All it took was a stupid comment, or a wink at a completely bad time and Clarke's mood would get better and better. When did she allow somebody to have so much power over her?

 

On second thought, she never allowed it. It just happened. Lexa came into her life and directly managed to put her off balance. Around other people, Clarke was so much more reserved and collected, but with Lexa? With Lexa she couldn't be that. With Lexa she was happy and with Lexa she could also be sad, but that was the point. It wasn't about being around Lexa, it was about being with Lexa. Not as in a couple, but as in going through things together.

 

Clarke sighed. Why does she have to have feelings for somebody who was off limit? 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, waving a hand in front of Clarke's eyes. The blonde woke from her daze and felt her cheeks begin to burn up. Lexa had caught her staring blankly at her while being lost in thoughts.

 

"Uh, I am sorry. I guess I spaced a bit. What did you say?" Clarke asked, now really trying to stay focused on their conversation rather than her depressing thoughts. She would have time for that later when Lexa was out for dinner.

 

"That was obvious." Lexa remarked with a raised eyebrow. Still, the brunette didn't dwell on it. "I asked you what you think of it. Since that would shift the spotlight away from the break-up." Lexa repeated, looking directly into Clarke's eyes.

 

"Oh, yes, um, you're right. It's good that the focus is on something other than that. These rumors are way better than the thing with Finn." After a short moment, a thought ran through her head. It was ridiculous and would never happen, but the though was just funny. She chuckled, which caused Lexa to look at her in confusion. Rightfully so, of course. In one moment, Clarke must have stared blankly in front of her and in the next, she was chuckling to herself.

 

"What is so funny?"  Lexa asked.

 

"Oh well, I just thought that I am almost sad that the rumors will be shut down once the interview is out there. It felt great not to have to think about Finn for a while." Clarke sighed, which caused Lexa to snort.

 

"I am happy to be of service." The comment was meant to be funny, they both knew that, but it didn't sound like that. Somehow it sounded off, not entirely convincing and if Clarke wasn't mistaken, she could hear pain hidden behind it.

 

Pain. Was is the same pain she felt? Was it because Lexa was feeling the same and wished for it to be true?

 

Probably not. 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke sat in their shared suite on their bed. What kind of irony was it that they were playing a couple, that there were rumors about them being a couple, that they were sharing not only a room but rather a bed, too and yet they weren't dating. Now add the fact that Clarke really wanted to date Lexa for real and that she had the feeling that Lexa might want that too, but both of them are too afraid of the consequences.

 

Wow, her life has really become a soap opera. Cliche after cliche became part of her life and all she could do about is was laugh. Laugh at her situation, laugh at the rumors and laugh at herself for not being brave enough to risk the greatest friendship she has ever had.

 

So, she just sat there, staring blankly at the wall, trying to figure out what to do. It had felt so good that there was a good rumor about her out there that seemed to overpower the break-up. Of course, the paparazzi had still asked her about Finn this morning, but that was just the juicier story. If she wouldn't have been out yet, they might have asked about Lexa and her, but it is no secret that Lexa is gay and that she is bisexual, so it isn't that interesting.

 

"What should I do?" Clarke huffed in annoyance while letting herself fall backwards onto the bed. She was past denying her feelings, but wasn't sure how to act now. "What should I do?" She asked again, this time more desperate, strangled. She could feel tears well up in her eyes and she did nothing to stop them. Nobody was here who could witness her breakdown. Nobody was here who could ask questions. Lexa wasn't here.

 

The brunette had gone out to eat dinner with a childhood friend who was living in this town. Percy, if she wasn't mistaken. 

 

Clarke was happy that they had managed to stay in contact, yet here she was, wishing that Lexa could be here for her. But did she truly want that? Lexa finding her this way would cause questions, questions she wouldn't be able to answer without either telling the complete truth or lying. 

 

Telling the truth wasn't an option. Telling the truth would mean admitting her feelings and the coward in her told her that she wasn't ready for that. Lying wasn't an option either. She would lie about an important thing to her best friend an that was something she really couldn't do. Her options became less and lesser by the second. Telling only half of the truth was the same as lying to Lexa in Clarke's eyes. Ignoring it would be something that wouldn't harm their relationship in any way, but Clarke knew that she wouldn't withstand it any longer. 

 

All in all, she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

 

Shutting her eyes, she told herself that she would decide later on. Overthinking things now wouldn't help her a bit and so she decided that she would try to read something. Turning around, she grabbed the book off Lexa's nightstand, since Clarke herself hasn't brought any books. 

 

The book has obviously been read a lot of times. The pages already had a slight yellow tone and there were notes written down next to the text. Lexa had told her about this book often. The only thing that Clarke had understood was that this book called "Sophies World" and that it is about a man writing letters to a young girl, called Sophie, in whose he explains philosophy to her. It really didn't sound like a book, Clarke would read in her free-time but right now she took everything she could just to busy her mind.

 

The book was in fact more interesting than she thought it would be. They had talked about Socrates and so on in school but back then she had never put any thought into it. It simply hadn't been something she was interested in, so she didn't even bother to understand. Yet, this book was fascinating and finally she kinda understood what they were trying to say.

 

Still, all the emotions and her breakdown had worn her out and she found herself asleep sooner rather than later.

 

* * *

 

"Clarke?" Lexa shouted through the suite. The blonde was supposed to be here since she had no plans for the night. When no answer came, Lexa figure that Clarke must've gone out or something like that.

 

What she didn't expect was finding her friend soundly asleep on their bed with a book draped adorably over her face. She must've fallen asleep while reading and a closer look told Lexa that the blonde had in fact been reading her book. A book Clarke had sworn never to touch, because she found it 'boring'.

 

The sight in front of her was so adorable that Lexa couldn't help but take a picture of the blonde. And for a moment she forgot what she had been planning on doing.

 

But the thought came back crashing into her mind. Percy and she have talked about this in length while eating dinner. Looking back it was probably the only thing they have talked about other than how Percy's life has been going since they last met. Percy has been a very valuable friend to her back when she grew up struggling with who she was and so she trusted her with this too.

 

The talked about what Lexa could do to ease Clarke's situation after she had admitted her feelings for the blonde to the slightly older woman. The solution had at first sounded ridiculous, too ridiculous to be even true, but the more often she had ran the thought over in her head, the more sense it did make. 

 

The blonde deserved the world, but the world was something Lexa couldn't offer. Instead, she could offer to make things easier for her friend who was still struggling with the aftermath of the break-up.

 

She could offer herself.

 

And, if this was to happen, it has to happen now. Because otherwise, Lexa would back down again. So, she gently shook the blonde awake, feeling terrible when she hear the slight whimper Clarke let out once she woke up. 

 

"Clarke? You need to wake up." She gently cooed, hoping that this would finally bring the blonde to open up her eyes. And it did. Blue, tired orbs were staring back at her with confusion hidden behind the sleepiness. 

 

"I have an idea." She proceeded once she was sure the blonde was listening.

 

"What are you talking about?" The blonde asked, her voice slightly raspy. That was when Lexa noticed that Clarke had been crying. The mascara was smudged and her voice was still cracking. It must have been a while ago, but still, it bothered Lexa that she hadn't been there when Clarke needed her. 

 

"Why have you been crying?" She found herself asking. Suddenly that was all that mattered. Clarke deserved to be smiling all day, to be happy and to have never to cry again.

 

"Nothing important. We can talk about that later. Again, what the hell were you talking about?" Clarke asked again and Lexa didn't like how Clarke pushed her own well-being behind everything else. But, Lexa knew also that this was a lost battle. The blonde was too stubborn.

 

"I came up with a way to shut the damned paparazzi up." Lexa offered, which earned her a tired and confused expression on Clarke's face.

 

"I have tried everything, Lex." She sighed, sounding defeated. "I even got Finn to tell the press how it ended and that it is confirmed by both parties." 

 

"Well, you haven't dated me yet-" Lexa offered, smirking proudly at her plan, even if it made her stomach do flips. The thought of dating Clarke was definitely something that made her feel like a love-sick teen again. 

 

"What?!" Clarke exclaimed, clearly shocked. Lexa didn't blame her though, she would have been equally as shocked.

 

"Clarke, will you be my fake-girlfriend?" 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get the show on the road, I'd say. ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
> 
> See you soon and take care.
> 
> Nickelback21


	14. First appearance

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke stared at Lexa in shock. The brunette couldn't possible be serious about this, let alone this could've really been asked right now. Either Lexa must've lost her mind or this simply hasn't happend right now. Clarke must still be asleep and dream this, right?

 

"Uh, what?" She croaked out, unable to form any coherent sentences right now. 

 

"Would you be my fake-girlfriend?" Lexa repeated and looked dead-serious while doing so. Her expression left no space for interpreting it as a joke or not serious. 

 

"Your fake-girlfriend." Clarke stated, still confused about this actually happening. It took her a while to take in the words, but suddenly she felt all their power at once. Fake-girlfriend. Girlfriend. The words caused her stomach to flutter. Lexa wanted her to be her fake-girlfriend. "Like for public appearances and so on?" She found herself asking, not sure to what extent Lexa had planned this through.

 

"Yes. In public. That way they focus on our new 'relationship' and not on your failed one with Finn. We could go on some 'dates' and so on- Let the people believe what they want and when we are asked, we just admit it." Lexa rambled, clearly kinda nervous about this too. But who could blame her? This was huge and may have a big impact on their lives and careers. 

 

The fact that Lexa would go this far, just to make Clarke feel better caused Clarke to blush furiously. No one has aver sacrificed themselves this much for her, or rather for her well-being. Her mother would have left her to herself to fight against it and don't even speak of Finn. That guy would've probably laughed at her instead of helping her. But Lexa? Lexa of course would throw herself in front of a bus to help her out. Probably not literally, but still. Clarke knew that Lexa herself knew that she was gay, but that she hasn't been out to the public yet. And now, now that she was willing to do that for Clarke made the blonde fall even harder for her. Seriously, how could anybody be this self sacrificing just to make somebody else happy?

 

But, Clarke knew that she couldn't let Lexa do that. After she herself had come out as bisexual, the press didn't stop talking about it and the homophobic comments became a daily thing, but also did the stories where people would tell her that she had encouraged them to finally come out and so on. Yet, she couldn't let Lexa sacrifice herself this much.

 

"Lex," She started, but stopped. Lexa's expression morphed into one that told her to better not proceed what she was about to say.

 

"I've thought about this well enough to say confidently that I am sure that I want to do it. Clarke, you have become one of the most important people in my life, maybe even the most important one. I love being around you and I also love to show you that I am dead serious about our friendship. So please, please don't even try to tell me that I don't have to do that. I know that I don't have to, but I want to. I want to help you and I want to be there for you." Lexa raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and stared directly into Clarke's eyes.

 

The blonde knew that she could say anything, but it wouldn't make Lexa back of. In that point, they both were quite similar. Too stubborn to back down and yet, Clarke found herself backing down right now.

 

"You're 100 percent sure? Because I don't want you to regret it as soon as you know what an impact this will have on your life." Clarke mumbled the last sentence. She was still bitter about how the media had picked her own private life apart when she came out publicly. She didn't want Lexa to feel the same way.

 

"Yes, I am sure and nothing they might say will make me think otherwise. I am here for you Clarke, we can do it." The brunette stated with finality in her voice. There was no room for any argument left, so Clarke sighed and nodded.

 

"Then we'll do it. But as soon as you feel uncomfortable, say something. Then we'll stop." At least Clarke wanted to make sure that Lexa had a way out of this, that was the least she could do.

 

"Okay." Lexa nodded, but suddenly stopped, looking at Clarke curiously. "Well, um, now comes the part I haven't thought of yet..." Lexa stuttered while blushing furiously. The sight was so adorable that Clarke couldn't help but chuckle at her fake-girlfriend. Lexa was just too cute whenever she was flustered. Still, Clarke also looked at her in confusion, because she had no idea what Lexa was talking about. "How far will we go?" Lexa mumbled almost incoherently and if Clarke hadn't learned to understand this mumbled stuttering in the last couple of weeks, she might have had to ask again what Lexa had said. 

 

But, she did understand her. And that was because her thoughts were spinning out of control again. How far would the take it? What amount of PDA will they show and what would make Lexa uncomfortable? She would only go so far as Lexa was still content with it. "Whatever you are comfortable with." Clarke found herself stating while looking into green eyes.

 

"I mean there's not much we haven't done yet, right?" Lexa tried to joke lamely. It was an obvious try to lighten the mood, and despite it still being kinda tense, it did its job. Clarke found herself shaking her head and chuckling. It was true. The had kissed, the had made out and they had cuddled. And while kissing has only been because of their job, the cuddling has become quite naturally to them. In front of the TV after an exhausting day, when one of them felt down or sometimes without any reason at all. It was just something that felt great for both of them.

 

"You're right. There is only one thing left on that list." As soon as the words left the blonde's mouth, she regretted saying them. A blush was creeping up her neck and she had to look away. Lexa was just sitting there with her mouth wide agape, as if she didn't believe what Clarke had just said. Not even Clarke herself wanted to think that she had actually spoken that thought out loud. The thought of...sleeping with Lexa made her stomach do somersaults. Her mind wandered for a short moment to what she woud do to the brunette. But as quickly as the thoughts entered her brain, she shook them off again. There was no way she had actually thought of that. Lexa was her friend. Friends don't think about each other like this.

 

She cleared her throat to ease up the tension that had spread between the two of them. "So, what are you comfortable with?" She asked again, hoping that they were able to forget that comment quickly.

 

"I don't know...um, holding hands is the minimum, I'd say. But we already kinda do that sometimes so I don't think that it might be enough." Lexa mumbled while fidgeting with her sleeve. This was a sign for increased nervousness. If it were only slight nervousness, she would act ridiculous to make people look past it, but this? This was the next step.

 

"I don't think so either. What about...kisses on the cheek? And maybe you could hold me like this sometimes?" She asked while putting Lexa's hand around her waist so that it rested comfortably on Clarke's hip. 

 

The blonde noticed Lexa swallowing harshly but ignored to comment on it, because the brunette nodded. "That...works for me. Something else?" Lexa asked obviously trying to win a fight against her trembling voice.

 

When Clarke notices how much this affected Lexa, she couldn't help but think, or rather to hope, that this behavior came from feelings. Feelings that she might harbor for Lexa, too. Okay, no, she not only might harbor them for Lexa, she definitely does have them. But still, she didn't dare to talk about it with Lexa. Too much was at stake when she interpreted the situation wrongly. Maybe it was just Lexa being slightly overwhelmed right now or something like that.

 

"I think that can be enough...you still sure about it?" Clarke asked once again. It seemed to kind of shift something inside Lexa, because her totally flustered expression changed into an eye roll. 

 

"Yes my dear girlfriend." Lexa answered. 

 

"At least no rumors about you and Roan, though." Clarke chuckled, the tension slipping away slowly but steadily.

 

"Thank god."

 

* * *

 

 

This evening they were invited to a gala that was hosted by a charity organisation for orphans. Marcus had accepted the invitation because to him it was important to show the people that something like this is important and that this is something everybody should be reminded of. There are so many children in the foster system who struggle with finding a home and also financial problems. 

 

Lexa had happily accepted the invitation, too and she really was looking forward to the gala. Not that she liked them otherwise, but as long as it is for a really good cause, just like this one, she was happy to go. Her own parents had died too when she was younger and she had grown up in the foster system, at least partly. That was where she had met Anya. That woman was not necessarily her best friend but rather her role model. Anya was a couple of years older than Lexa and once she was out of high-school and officially adult, the older girl had moved away to get into college. They stayed in contact and because of that, Lexa knew that Anya had worked her ass off to be able to pay for her education and therefore she admired her. 

 

Anya was the one who made her think of achieving her dreams as possible. And so, she worked her ass off too and made it as far as she did.

 

She really was looking forward to it. But that was only until she saw who else was invited. Finn Collins, or rather the biggest douche on earth. When she told Clarke, the blonde had told her that it was fine and that she would just ignore her ey for the time being, but Lexa couldn't help but feeling uneasy about it. This evening will be their first appearance as a fake-couple and the fact that Clarke's ex was there, only put a lot more pressure on them. Clarke had told her that if she felt uncomfortable about it, then they would start the following days, but Lexa had been stubborn. She had promised it and so, she will do it.

 

They had talked to Marcus about their plan earlier since he kind of needed to know of it. It was a huge step and may have an impact on the press-tour so they let him know and also explained to him why they were doing it. The man had looked at them with a raised eyebrow and questioned if they were 100 percent sure but that didn't make them back down. In the end he just shrugged at it and told them to do what seems right to them.

 

Now, their car had come to an halt in front of the red carpet and Lexa took a shaky breath. She could see in the corner of her vision that Clarke was fighting the urge of telling her that they could just call it off. Though, the blonde knew better than to say anything.

 

So Lexa exited the car at first. Dressed to the nines in a nice dark grey suit with a light blue tie that was matching the color of Clarke's absolutely stunning dress. Her stomach was on the verge of exploding due to the butterflies when she offered Clarke a hand to step out of the car. Her breath hitched when Clarke entwined their fingers and was smiling widely at her. 

 

 _Oh boy, this will be the end of me._ Lexa thought.

 

But still, Clarke was totally worth it. She was worth every sacrifice and Lexa was willing to put herself behind the blonde's needs even though the blonde hated it when she did so. Lexa just couldn't help it.

 

They walked hand in hand the whole way down the red carpet. Cameras where flashing and they both donned their professional, polite smiles for them even if they both felt like smiling even wider because of the contact. 

 

Inside, they were immediately directed into the direction of a small conference room where they would do some interviews before the actual gala part. It was quite unusual to do something like that but the charity organisation itself and some others wanted to talk to them about the topic of the gala, since both of them lost at least one parent. 

 

The interviews went by smoothly. There were no questions asked about their private life other than the part where they were asked to share some things about the loss of a parent. Normally, Lexa would struggle with talking about it, but Clarke was stroking soothing patterns with her thumb on the back of her hand and strangely enough, it did calm her down and made it easier.

 

After that, they began mingling with the other guests, never really leaving each other's sides. Though at some point, Lexa decided that it was time to get herself and Clarke a drink. "I#ll quickly get something to drink. What do you want?" She said into the blonde's ear. 

 

"Just some white wine. Thank you, though." Clarke answered smiling at Lexa who was already blushing again.

 

* * *

 

 

When Lexa came back, she felt her blood boil. Finn was standing in front of a visibly uncomfortable Clarke. How dare he to even move close to her? He lost that right when he cheated on that wonderful human being.

 

She made her way over, setting their drinks aside on one of the tables and circled Clarke's waist with her arms, bringing her closer to herself.She couldn't believe what she was about to do. 

 

Gently she cupped Clarke's cheek with her free hand and pressed her lips onto the blonde's.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger but I promise the next chapter will pick up right were this one stopped.
> 
> Anyway, have a nice day and stay safe.
> 
> Nickelback21


	15. We can laugh as be both pretend that we're not in love and that we're just good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's finally back. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to upload for the past weeks but school has been really hard and I had a lot exams to take. Anyway, now that I'm finally back to writing, I hope that you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Take care
> 
> Nickelback21

 

 

* * *

 

 

To say that Clarke's knees were threatening to buckle would have been the understatement of the year. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her mind found it impossible to catch up with what was really happening right now. Was Lexa really kissing her? Right here, right now? Or was that just what she wanted, because she needed to escape from her ex. No, these feelings couldn't be not real. This has to be happening, otherwise she was having the most realistic dream in her entire life.

 

At fist she was so shocked that she barely kissed Lexa back, but when her mind finally kinda realized what was happening, she kissed her back just the gentle way, Lexa kissed her. Should it feel weird to kiss your best friend like this? Yes. Did it feel weird? No. In fact Clarke had never felt this comfortable. Lexa's lips were soft and gentle where Finn's were chapped and rough. 

 

The kiss was over far too soon and Clarke couldn't help but stare at the brunette with awe in her eyes as soon as she dared to open her eyes. The first thing she noticed were Lexa's blown pupils. The green was barely visible anymore and was replaced by a deep black. The second thing Clarke Griffin noticed were the rosy cheeks that made Lexa look incredibly flustered. The third thing she noticed, was how fast this moment was over again and how fast Lexa had managed to regain control over her body.

 

Maybe it hasn't felt that great to her after all. Clarke thought. She herself wasn't able to slip her mask on again this quickly, still too shocked by how great this had felt and by how much her body ached to lean in again. Finn was long forgotten, though his expression must be priceless. No, she only had eyes for the brunette who was standing in front of her with an easy smile while placing her arm around Clarke's waist.

 

"Finn, long time no see. How's work going?" Lexa asked in a professional voice. This was a low blow,like a real low blow. Because they both knew that Finn had no chance on getting a job after what happened, at least nor for a while. For producers it was important to have actors and actresses as the faces of their movies that everybody loves, not that everybody can't stand to see.

 

The face Finn made was one of outrage, disappointment and hurt, though the first one definitely was more evident. Throughout their time together, Clarke had learned how to read her ex's face. 

 

"So you just threw yourself at her once I was out of the picture? A woman? Really Clarke? I expected more of you." Her growled, trying to sound threatening but failing miserably. All Clarke wanted to do was laugh right now, because she already felt a laughter bubbling in her ches. But, she did her best to repress it. This situation already was embarrassing for Finn and she had no need to make it even worse,

 

"First of all, you know that I'm bisexual. Secondly, no, Finn, I didn't just throw myself at her the moment we broke up or even before that." Another low blow, but she didn't mind. Normally, she hated it when something like this happens to people, but this case was different. Finn was at fault here and she had bottled her emotions up for far too long now. " She found me when I was planning on sleeping at the set for an entire week because you left without giving me my keys back. She let me live with her and a while after wo broke up, we developed feelings for each other. There has at no point been a throwing me around her neck." She spat, only calming down slightly when se felt a familiar hand drawing soothing pattern on her hipbone. 

 

She hadn't lied once in this statement, at least not entirely. After she and Finn broke up, she let herself realize that there might or might not be some feelings for Lexa. Not that she would ever act on them, no. That would put their friendship at a risk and she didn't want that.

 

_But aren't we blurring the lines right now?_ She thought to herself. Yes, they were, probably. At least was that what it felt like. These gazes thrown at her by Lexa, the tingling that was there every time they touched, the kiss...all these things had felt so real. So fucking real that it was hard to believe that Lexa didn't feel the same way about her like she did about Lexa. But they were actresses after all, weren't they? Lexa could just be playing this role.

 

But she wouldn't do that, right? To that question, Clarke had no real answer. She knew that Lexa would do everything for those she loved or those who were important to her, but would sh do this? 

 

"I can't believe you'd be with her! She is everything you never wanted. Filthy rich, arrogant and famous as hell. These three things you told me once were things you wouldn't accept, that's why I had such a hard time getting together with you!" He shouted and suddenly everything around them went quiet. It seemed as if the people were suddenly awfully interested in the argument.

 

"Do you even hear yourself, Finn? You were the one to leave me homeless for an entire week and she was the one who was there for me when I finally realized that our relationship was destroyed beyond repair. Hell, she was there for me Finn! You never were! I'd call that anything but arrogant. Yes, she does have a lot of money, but she isn't snobby by any means and yes, she is famous, but I am too." She closed her statement and was looking at a brunette man with floppy hair who for once had no idea what to respond. Satisfied by this, she turned to Lexa, who was donning a face painted with awe. It was as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard.

 

"Come on, babe. I'm done with him." She smiled at her fake-girlfriend who simply nodded and started guiding her away from Finn, who was still fuming and looking positively murderous.

 

"I'd call that an amazing performance, Clarke." Lexa whispered once they were a bit aside from all the other people. Clarke just shook her head and sighed. This will be on the newspapers again and this time, she will look like the asshole. But, on the other hand, she finally got out what she had wanted to say for far too long. Finn deserved to hear it and it was worth the whole hate from the press. 

 

"Speaking of yourself. The kiss was...great." Clarke said, not really sure how to define how she felt about the kiss without saying too much. Without admitting the truth.

 

"I, um..I just, ah...I just saw you there with Finn and you were looking so uncomfortable and I wanted to get you out of there and..." Lexa's rambling was probably one of the cutest things Clarke had heard in a while. A close second to Lexa's laugh, because that was her most favorite sound on earth.

 

"Hey, Lex. It's okay. I am really thankful that you did that. Finn was starting to bother me and he was also starting to explain to me that he wanted me back and so on. So..I'm by no means mad at you for kissing me. Plus, I got to kiss a beautiful girl in front of everybody. I'd call that a victory." As soon as the last part left her mouth, she regretted it and she felt a deep crimson blush take over her face.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ How could she say something like this aloud? This could only happen to her. Clarke Abigail Griffin, the master of embarrassing situations. And all that only because she was voicing her thoughts. She quickly looked away, too embarrassed by the situation.

 

But then, she felt a hand cup her cheek, urging her to look at the brunette once again. When she did, she witnessed that Lexa's cheeks were also colored slightly pink. Gently, Lexa leaned in and placed a long, tender kiss on Clarke's left cheek. If it were possible, Clarke's heart would have sprung out of her chest at this moment.

 

Maybe someday...

 

* * *

 

They left the gala two hours later. Lexa had expected things to become awkward, but they didn't. Instead, their dynamic didn't change an ounce, even if nobody of them dared to speak about the little moment in the hallway, away from the people. They didn't dare to bring it up, because that would make things awkward, at least was that was Lexa thought.

 

She really had no idea what she had done back there. Suddenly the urge to kiss Clarke again had been too big, but, thank god, she had enough restraint to simply kiss the blonde's cheek instead of what she really wanted.

 

There were some signs, like Clarke shivering at her touch or the goosebumps the blonde would get when Lexa would hug her, that told her that the blonde might be feeling something too. Something that was similar to what Lexa was feeling. But as long as she couldn't be sure, she wouldn't act on it. Clarke was the best friend she ever had, the person she trusted the most, but if she would admit her feelings to Clarke, she'd put that at a risk. A risk she wasn't willing to take.

 

Coward.

 

That was the only way how Lexa could describe herself right now. A coward, too afraid of getting out of her comfort zone.

 

Now, they were back at the hotel room. Clarke was showering and Lexa had no idea what she was supposed to do about all this. She couldn't keep on doing all this forever, not when the feelings inside her chest seemed to grow with every second she spent with Clarke. 

 

"this girl is going to be the death of me." She mumbled while dropping on their bed.

 

Oh shit, right. They were sharing a bed. She shouldn't have been too put off by this since they had done so quite often, but somehow she feared that it would get awkward. Awkwardness was the last thing she wanted to reign their relationship. That was not what se intended when proposing the idea of fake dating to Clarke. All she had wanted to do was to help the blonde to get away from the bad press about her former relationship.

 

She hadn't known that her feelings where this strong.

 

She didn't know what to do. There was only one thing that came to her mind. One person that would always offer the best advice for her. Someone who knew her inside and out.

 

She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and made her way to the balcony while dialing the number she had saved in her mind. Hopefully, she'll be able to help. Hopefully, she wasn't a lost cause.

 

The phone beeped two times before someone picked up. 

 

"Anya?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

 


	16. Desperate

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Lexa? What did you do now?" The familiar voice exhaled, seemingly annoyed by Lexa calling her. But, Lexa knew better. Anya would only pull this act because that was who she was. A sometimes really snarky asshole, but Lexa couldn't care less. She was her mentor, someone who helped her to define who she was, someone who has been there every step of her way even if they live hours or sometimes even countries apart. 

 

Anya was who had been there whenever Lexa needed advice, whenever she needed someone to tell her what the right direction for her could be whenever she would stand at a point where she doesn't know how to go further. So, Lexa called her this time again, because she had no idea what to do now. What she was supposed to do with her feelings for her best friend and even fake-girlfriend. Also, she already knew that Anya knew what was going on. Lexa had seen several newspaper reports on it and even a report on television.

 

'Clarke Griffin and Lexa Woods finally admitted it!' or ' Lexa Woods and Clarke Griffin finally gave in to their mutual feelings!' in the television report they even went that far to call it the love story of the year, because of the beautiful circumstances. It was almost scrary how fast the news would travel. How long has it been? Maybe four hours? And what could Lexa do about it? Nothing besides wishing that all of this was true. That nothing of this was a bif fat lie and that nothing was an act. Yet, here she was. Struggling with accepting where they stood. She wanted to be more than friends, but how could they get there? Every time she heard of a new couple or something, it always seemed so easy to build a steady and great relationship. How can it e so hard for her then?

 

"I did something stupid. Like really, really stupid and now I have no idea what to do." She rambled. She knew that Anya already knew that she was in trouble, because of the newspapers and also because of the fact that their relationship consists of this. Calls about things that they don't have an answer for. Okay well, mostly it's Lexa who is the one to call, because Anya is a rather closed off person who deals with her shit alone.

 

"I saw that. Tell me, why did you do that?" Anya asked and Lexa didn't even have to seriously think of an answer. There was only one, even is she didn't dare to say it out lound nor accept it. Three little words. That's all it would take as an explanation, but, well, but she couldn't say that out loud, could she? Saying it out loud would meant that it really is true, right? 

 

"I...I..." She started and stopped again. How could she explain all this without saying the real reason behind all this. Suddenly, it was really tempting to just end the call and throw her phone out of the window, but she already knew what the results of that would be. Anya would fetch the next flight and would come there in person, which would be even worse. Lexa could never explain that to someone who was sitting right in front of her. Then all that would be left of her is a rambling mess that tries to explain by avoiding the real explanation. 

 

"Okay, Heda. You told me already that she is your co star and that she stayed at yours for a while because her asshat of a boyfriend left her without her keys. Furthermore, I know that you are getting along pretty well, because that becomes clear in the interviews you are doing together. Like a well oiled machine. So now, tell me Lexa, what was going on yesterday?" Anya stated with a voice that was so matter of fact-ly that Lexa would have felt insulted by this if she didn't know who she was talking to. Anya was always that way.

 

She swallowed and gathered her thoughts. Her brain was a trainwreck and she was sure that this could end in the most embarrassing conversation ever, because she had no idea how to explain it. But, she knew that Anya would never judge her. Not in any case. Anya was her understanding mentor who would listen and who would be there for her while she needed her. "Okay...um, you have to know what happened before all this. She, um, broke up with Finn after she realized how much of an asshole he is. Then-uh...the press started to focus only on the seemingly perfect relationship that failed suddenly. Clarke-um...she...uh- Clarke didn't take all that really well because..uh.. she was now being defined by just her failed relationship with that idiot. Then...then we had an interview and the interviewer asked us...if the rumors where true. I thought at first that it was about Clarke and Finn again, but that wouldn't have made sense because that was already confirmed by both sides and then we asked her what the rumors where about and then she told us that there where rumors of Clarke and I being a couple and..." She trailed off. Her rambling was becoming rather pathetic and she needed a break. Also, she knew that she probably mixed something up because her mind wasn't on the right level now, but from what she knew, the main facts are in the statement.

 

"Why do I feel like there is more to it? Oh yes, right, because you still didn't tell my why you kissed her." Lexa could basically see Anya raising her right eyebrow at her in this moment. 

 

"Yes...um, well- after..after I saw how much she was affected by all this...I had an idea. Some might say that it is a terrible idea and with some I meant you, but for me it felt like the right thing to do so please don't question it, okay?" She asked sincerely, because she really couldn't use any critics for her actions now. All she needed was advice on the main reason behind this call.

 

"No promises. But, I'll do my best." 

 

Of course. If Lexa wouldn't have been panicking now, she may have snorted at that, because it was so typical for Anya to say something like that. Her mentor had always been one to not be able to shut their mouth when it came to voicing their opinion. And sometimes, sometimes it was greatly appreciated, but right now Lexa couldn't use it. All she could do was hope that Anya knew that. "I..uh might have offered that we could start pretending that we're in a relationship, because then, the talking about Finn and her would end." She blurted out. Now, she had to wait on Anya's reaction and because it was silent for solid ten seconds, she knew that Anya was really fighting the urge to lecture her again as if she was a child again. But, the silence told Lexa also, that Anya understood that she really couldn't use any critics now. So, she bit on her lower lip and waited.

 

"And then you stepped in when her ex-boyfriend was bothering her and that was when you kissed her?" Lexa nodded before she remembered that Anya couldn't see her right now. She swallowed because her throat was incredibly dry right now.

 

"Yes." Was the only thing she managed to say. Again, the urge to just end the call was barely controllable but she refrained from doing so. The talk with Anya in person was enough to motivate her to not do so.

 

"Okay. Now, stop me when I am wrong, but I know you Lexa, okay?" Again, Lexa nodded before she hummed as an okay for Anya to proceed. "Good. You have feelings for her." Now, a silent little tear rolled down Lexa's cheek, because she was so overwhelmed by the situation. That was the first time she had heard it being said out loud and the mix of butterflies and dread in her stomach was no good combination. Yes, she had feelings for Clarke, very, very strong feelings, but she herself was the only bump in the road to act on them. And that was what was making her desperate.

 

the lack of an answer must have told Anya that it was true, because she proceeded without being asked to do so. "You have feelings for her and you don't know what to do now." She deduced. 

 

Again. Lexa couldn't muster the courage to reply. Instead, she let Anya put the pieces into the right order herself. Right now, Lexa was far too overwhelmed by everything. 

 

"Okay. Does she have feelings for you, too?" The older woman asked the desperate one who was now obligated to speak. Or well, she was obligated to think about whether or not Clarke could have feelings for her too. It was possible, but she didn't know for sure. The only things she knew that Clarke's body did in fact react on certain things. The shiver while Lexa kissed her on the cheek, the goosebumps that were visible on Clarke's forearms whenever they would hug, the slightly red colored cheeks after the kiss...the blown pupils...all these could be seen as signs for feelings, but Lexa could never say something like that about Clarke when the blonde never told her this. 

 

"I don't know...maybe...maybe not." She mumbled. Not sure what to say actually. And from the sigh on the other end of the connection, she could judge that Anya was probably now pinching the bridge of her nose while fighting the urge to yell at Lexa that she should just go for it. Because that was probably the advice that she would get in the end, because that was just who Anya was. 

 

"Can you please hand the phone over to her? I know that you two are sharing a room." That caught Lexa off guard. Could she really allow Anya to talk to Clarke? Clarke had never met her and Lexa wasn't sure how much damage Anya could probably do. Most likely a lot. Most likely this would end in a fight with Clarke and most likely could that be the end of everything. 

 

But.

 

Right, but. There was another possibility. A possibility that was promising a much greater future. A future that Lexa had always wanted ever since she had met the blonde on set. The blonde who moved in with her because she was in a relationship with a guy who would probably win the nobel prize for the dumbest guy on earth. A guy who left her homeless for an entire week. A guy who had no idea how lucky he was to call Clarke his. He once had had that what Lexa had wanted for so long.

 

She didn't want to possess Clarke, no, she couldn't possess her. Nobody could possess an other human being, but she wanted to be with Clarke. To let her feelings be set free, to allow herself to feel what she has felt for so long. Months.

 

"Don't. Don't take the one thing from me that I value the most right now." Was all she replied flatly before she went to search for Clarke. She had referred to her relationship with Clarke. Their friendship was the most valuable thing for her right now and she would never want to lose it. No. Never. That was the reason why she was so afraid to go for it. She couldn't afford to lose Clarke. 

 

"I won't. All I want is for you to be happy and I know you never would be when you lose her." Sometimes it was interesting to see how well Anya could read her, even without seeing her. That was one of Anya's most valuable character traits. She knew exactly when it's time for some tough love and she also knew when it was time to be gentle and understanding in her very own way. 

 

Lexa gently knocked on the bathroom door and when Clarke opened it, she had to stop herself from gasping. The blonde stood in front of her, clad in nothing but a white towel. Damp hair was falling onto her shoulders and she wore no make up. God was she beautiful and god was it hard for Lexa to stop herself from checking the blonde out. Her curves were just so tempting to watch that it took all of Lexa's self restraint to not gawk at her. "Uh..here. It's Anya. She want's to talk to you." With that she shoved Clarke her phone in her hand and spun around. Hurrying out on the balcony. Suddenly, fresh air was very appreciated, if not necessary. Breathing was getting harder and she felt her stomach swirl.

 

Why on earth couldn't she be confident and brave for once? Why does she have to be this pathetic mess of a love struck woman who had no idea how to deal with her feelings? Why does she have to be that way?

 

All those questions and no answer in sight. She had no idea what stopped her, well, she knew exactly why , but she didn't want to ruin her friendship with Clarke. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she felt nothing but platonic feelings for Lexa? That would probably turn everything incredibly awkward and their relationship would strain.

 

But what if Clarke felt the same? What if she was neglecting the blonde something she craved as much as Lexa does because Lexa is not brave enough? Then, this, whatever it was what she was doing now, was the unfairest thing on earth. Then she would be a terrible coward who was too selfish to allow them to be happy together.

 

Because that was what she was, right? A selfish coward. 

 

She was selfish in a way she had always hated. Just because she was afraid of losing the one thing that was the most important to her, she was maybe neglecting Clarke something. Something that could lead them both to a bright future.

 

A future together.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa has been pacing around the balcony for what felt like an eternity. Her head was a rambling, useless mess that came up with one thought after another when the only thing she wanted to do right now was to think nothing. Hell, she was even talking to herself because she thought that that might calm her down a notch. No such luck though.

 

She needed to know what Anya and Clarke were talking about and she needed to know what to to. When she had called Anya, she had hoped to get the advice she needed right now and not...this. She was afraid of what damage Anya could have already done and she had no idea how to repair said damage. She had no idea in general.

 

All the pacing and all the thoughts made her blind for her surroundings. She didn't see the beautiful nightlife of the city, she didn't see the cars rushing past the hotel, she didn't see the dark blue sky, she didn't see the great view from the balcony.

 

She didn't see Clarke leaning against the doorframe watching her with an unreadable expression. Maybe affection, maybe confusion and maybe a little but of...no...it's too soon to say that. All she could see was the cloud in her head that was making it impossible for her to find a solution for all this. The fog that didn't seem to clear at any point, the fog that was staining her view on the obvious.

 

The fog that made it impossible for her to see the feelings written all over Clarke's face whenever she would look at Lexa or whenever they would talk or whenever they would touch. Her own mind made her blind for the obvious.

 

Clarke did have feelings for her and unlike Lexa she never hid them behind a mask made out of steel.

 

That was when she felt a familiar body pressed against her back. Then, the fog seemed to clear. Then, she could finally see again.

 

Maybe someday....

 

* * *

 

 

 


	17. Balcony

 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke had hugged Lexa billions of times. She should know exactly what it did to her and how Lexa would react, but somehow, she forgot about all that. This was different. So much different from all the hugs before. She could feel Lexa sink into her arms, the tension from her shoulders slowly fading away and she was sure that she heard the smallest sigh that could be there. 

 

Her talk with Anya had been weird to say the least. Lexa's best friend had only said one sentence, but that one sentence made her question her stubborn mind. That sentence made her think about what is and what could be. She has had feelings for Lexa for quite some time now, but she never dared to act on them. She never allowed herself to possibly destroy their great friendship in case Lexa didn't feel it too. She had already accepted to stay Lexa's friend and she had already accepted that she would have to let her feelings go. Yet, this one sentence, this sentence proved her wrong. At least felt it that way. She could be the biggest idiot on earth now in case she interpreted it wrongly, but somehow, Lexa's body reaction told her that she was in fact right. She was right about not being alone with this.

 

 _I am not exactly sure, what you have done to my best friend, but she is a pacing and rambling mess._ That had been what Anya had said to her. If she was being honest, this could also be seen as Lexa being uncomfortable about all this...Clarke hadn't even thought about that. Hell, that thought just plopped into her mind while she was hugging Lexa from behind. While her front was pressed to Lexa's back.

 

She contemplated to pull away, because she felt like a stupid idiot right now, but then she felt Lexa placing her hand of her hers. That was her sign to not let go, that was her sign to not end this. She never wanted to let go again, because it felt so great. It felt so great to be this close to Lexa and it felt so great to finally allow herself to feel, even if it might only be for this moment. If Lexa decided that she was uncomfortable, she would immediately pull away and relieve her best friend from that burden. But, the brunette didn't.

 

So, they stood there. Clarke wasn't sure if she was supposed to move or if she should turn Lexa around so she could see the brunette's face. A face that she wanted to see everyday, a face that made her smile, a beautiful face that she was allowed to see so often. God, she wanted to see Lexa's face so badly, but she didn't dare to move. What if that would be too much? She didn't want to ruin the moment and with that the hope of more. Still, she wanted to kiss her right now so so badly that it almost pained her physically. She had often had that desire, but well, there had never been anything that could be done about that. Now, there was a chance that she could give in to that desire and she didn't want to ruin that chance.

 

"Hey." Lexa gently sighed while sinking further into the embrace. Clarke could feel the brunette's cheek against her own and it made her feel like her skin is on fire. Not a raging fire, but somehow a comfortable one...one that provided warmth on a cold winter day. She had no idea how to describe how she was feeling right now and she even was sure that there was no right name or word for that. Well, there was one, but she didn't dare to say that out loud yet. That would be a step too far. A big step too far. A step that would risk everything again. 

 

"Hey." She breathed into Lexa's ear which caused the other girl to shiver. Clarke had never seen Lexa like this, okay well, the kiss was an exception to that, but in that moment, Clarke had been far too overwhelmed to notice it. She had been to overwhelmed to see the signs that Lexa was affected by that the same way she was. She had been blind for it the entire time. But, Lexa had been too. An idiot could have seen that there was more than platonic feelings between them and yet, they didn't notice it. Well, they didn't believe it to be true.

 

For a while, there was nothing said anymore. The silence between them was comfortable and neither of them wanted to break it with useless rambling, at least felt it that way for Clarke. She was sure that whenever she would open her mouth, there would be either coming nothing out of it or a shitload of unnecessary rambling. Her head was a mess right now, even if her only thought was about the woman she finally got to hold. So, they just stood there and looked down at the city that never seemed to sleep. People were still rushing over the sidewalks and the lights were still shining brightly. Sometimes, living in a city has it's disadvantages. For example that you can't see the stars. The lights of the city are too bright so you can't see them. Clarke would have loved to watch them with Lexa, but instead they looked at the city below them.

 

Until Lexa finally turned around and placed her hand's on Clarke's hips. As if they had done this a million times, Clarke's arms found their place around Lexa's neck. She lost herself in green eyes that were looking at her so intensely that everybody else might have looked away. But she couldn't. She couldn't look away from the eyes that had caught her attention the very first day they had met. The green was so deep and her gaze was so intense that Clarke had been captivated by those eyes the very first moment her own had found them.

 

She felt a hand cup her cheek and a thumb gently caressing her hipbone. Lexa wanted this as much as she wanted, that was now painfully obvious to anybody out there, Now, the brunette's emotions weren't guarded as they so often were, no, she wore them on her sleeve. Lexa allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of Clarke, at least did it look that way for Clarke. Finally. Finally she could see that the brunette had been plagued by the same thoughts. Thoughts of unrequited feelings. Thoughts of hopelessness. 

 

But the feelings were requited. There was hope.

 

The distance between them closed itself slowly, that was how it felt for Clarke anyway. She couldn't figure out who had made the first move and she couldn't focus on who closed the distance between them. All she could focus on was that she finally felt those lips she craved so much on her own again. This time without it being an act, without any people watching. It was just them and their feelings. The kiss was gentle and tender, all Clarke had ever wanted for their first real kiss. Not that she had thought about that, of course.

 

Their lips moved in sync and finally the blonde allowed herself to feel what she had always repressed whenever she kissed Lexa in front of the camera. Then, she had to stay focused and professional...at least had that been what she should have been. But how could you not lose yourself in a kiss with the woman you desire? That was impossible and yet she mostly was kind of able to do so. The kisses had been great, without any doubt, but none of them reached this.

 

This was perfect. This was what she had wanted for so long. This was what she had desired from the moment she recognized her feelings. This kiss...these feelings all this was perfect to her.

 

They broke contact for a short moment. A moment Lexa used to look at her intensely before changing the angle of the kiss. Clarke could squeal in joy now, but she refrained from doing so. She was busy anyways.

 

When they broke apart again, Clarke couldn't do much more than stare at Lexa in awe. "Wow." She breathed when nothing else was said. That single word was the only thing that somehow could express how she was feeling right now, because if she was being honest, she was rendered entirely speechless. From experience, she knew that Lexa was an amazing kisser but this? This was an entirely new level.

 

She knew that they din't have to define what they were now, that was a conversation to be held at some point later. Now, the exhaustion from all the mind wracking thinking and the panic was wearing down on them. Clarke could feel that Lexa was as exhausted as she was. She didn't know how, but she could tell that from tiny signs, like her posture. It wasn't as straight and correct as it always was and there were small rims under her eyes. 

 

So, she pressed another gentle kiss on Lexa's lips and then she took the brunette's hand to lead her to their bed. Just to sleep, of course. That was what they both needed right now and after that, she could imagine to fall asleep like a little baby. Only if Lexa was by her side of course.

 

When they stood in front of the bed, she could see that Lexa hesitated. Typical, ever the gentlewoman. 

 

"Please, Lex." She pleaded and was rewarded with the smallest of all nods. She could understand that Lexa would hesitate, but what has changed? They had slept in one bed together more often than not in the last couple of months and the fact that they kissed wouldn't change that. Hell, they did so many things reversed that now it wouldn't matter anyway. 

 

"I can sleep on the couch, if you want." Lexa offered and Clarke couldn't do anything else than roll her eyes. Always the correct one of them. 

 

"I want to cuddle with you." She flatly replied and then tugged Lexa down next to her on the bed. They still wore their lazy clothes and not their sleeping clothes, but that didn't matter to any of them. So, they laid down and Lexa spooned Clarke like they had done so often. It almost felt as if nothing had happened. Almost. Clarke could still feel the butterflies and she could still feel the tingling on her skin where Lexa touched her. Then, the brunette pressed a gentle kiss on Clarke's shoulder blade and Clarke basically melted in her arms. Why does Lexa always have to be this perfect?

 

* * *

 

 

When Lexa woke up, she was sure that this was the best morning she had ever had in her entire life. Clarke was cuddled up in her side and was gently snoring while Lexa relived everything that had happened on the balcony yesterday. Was it really true? Has this really happened? Yes, it has, because she could still feel the slight burn on her lips and she still felt the craving for more. Yet, she was hesitant. What if Clarke didn't want to take things further?

 

Well, that had to be bullshit. Otherwise nothing would have happened yesterday. It had all felt so real and honest that Lexa could only think of it as real. The kiss, no, the kisses they had all been perfect. More than perfect and more than she could have ever imagined or more than she had ever dreamed of. Hell, this evening and this morning had to be the best ones in her entire life. 

 

"I can feel you staring." Clarke mumbled sleepily before she opened her gorgeous blue eyes for Lexa so the brunette could get lost in their depth again. Because that was what she always did. Every time she would get the chance to stare into those blue eyes, she would get lost in them. They had the most beautiful color in the entire world. Sometimes, when the weather was bad or when Clarke wasn't feeling the best, they would almost be grey and then when the weather was better again, they would be the brightest blue Lexa had ever seen as an eye color. 

 

"Well, it's hard not to." She mumbled while gently pushing a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. God, when did she become so cheesy? Hell, she had always been the one to lock her feelings away so that nobody would see them and yet, Clarke broke down those walls like they were nothing and made Lexa feel again. She made Lexa show her feelings again. She made Lexa do something the brunette had never thought she was capable of.

 

"Dork." Was the simple reply that Clarke offered and yet it made Lexa smile like a fool. Until yesterday, this might have been the most unfitting description, but now? Now this hit the nail on the hit, because that was what Clarke had turned her into in a matter of hours. She was a dork for Clarke.

 

"At your service." She smiled and bent down to gently capture Clarke's lips with her own again. She couldn't believe that this was actually true. She couldn't believe that this was actually something she could do.

 

"Mhm...I like waking up that way." Clarke mumbled into the kiss and made Lexa smile like a fool again. She was incredibly happy right now and she couldn't even think of capturing her feelings with words. There was no word for it...okay well, there was one, but it was far too early for that. If she would say it now, she might put too much pressure on Clarke and that might destroy everything that they had achieved yesterday.

 

"You have no idea. Can't we stay in bed for the entire day?" Lexa mumbled while gently caressing the blonde's cheek.

 

"I'm afraid we have a panel today. Comic con." Clarke replied with a small chuckle which caused Lexa to shake her head. She didn't want to leave the bed at all. All she wanted was to stay here forever, wrapped up in their small bubble without the hectic of the reality. Without interviews and without annoying paparazzi. 

 

"A little longer, please?" She pleaded with the best puppy dog eyes she could muster which made Clarke chuckle. One of her most favorite sounds in this entire world. She couldn't help but kiss the blonde again. This time with more passion  than before but she couldn't help her desire right now. Clarke's lips were as addictive as a drug and Lexa already felt like an addict. Addicted to the most beautiful person in this entire world.

 

So, a little longer turned out to be a lot longer.

 

They somehow still managed to be on time for the dressing for the panel. Their make up artist looked strangely at them when she had to cover up a hickey on Clarke's neck, but she said nothing. Lexa had just smirked at Clarke which earned her a beautiful laugh.

 

She couldn't wait for this thing to be over so she could be with Clarke again.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	18. Panel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. At least somehow. My schedule won't allow me to stick to regular uploading dates but I'll try to upload one chapter in two weeks. Whenever I have some downtime, I'll upload one every week. So, with that being said, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Take care.
> 
> Nickelback21

 

 

* * *

 

 

When their names were called, they walked over to the stage, hand in hand. The fans were screaming and hollering at their arrival and Lexa could even make out some 'I love you!' cries. She smiled, because that was what she loved the most. Her fans were the best part of her job and she wouldn't be here now without them. She wouldn't stand on this stage, promoting one of the countries most successful shows where she was one of the lead characters. She wouldn't stand here, holding Clarke's hand, because she would have never met the blonde otherwise. She was so incredibly grateful for her fans that she couldn't help but grin the entire time. She would love to go through the rows and talk to every one of them personally, but her schedule didn't allow her to. She had far too often already been late to an interview or something, because she decided to make some time for her fans.

 

Once, there had been a girl who looked at her with so much awe that Lexa almost asked if she was having a stroke. In the end, she ended up talking to her for several minutes and the girl had told her that she was incredibly thankful that Lexa was portraying her character the way she did and that she was looking up to her. Every time, Lexa was blessed to hear something like that, she would tell her fans that they could make their dreams come true as well. It would need time, patience and work, but if you really want it, you can go for it.

 

She knew that Clarke loved this part of their job as well. She could see the shimmer in her eyes that told her how touched she is by this. For sure, not everyone is this respectful towards them and especially paparazzi were more than invasive sometimes, but they both learned to deal with this. All in all their fans were the best thing to them, well, maybe the second best thing. At least for Lexa, because she was so incredibly happy to be able to hold Clarke's hand like this and she was so happy that she was able to kiss her and that she could finally live her feelings. She couldn't be more grateful for that as well.

 

They sat down on the chairs, thankfully next to each other. The fans were still screaming and cheering and Lexa, Clarke as well as their producers were waving at them, with huge smiles on their faces. That's exactly why they did that job. When the screaming and cheering winded down a little, the host began with the panel. He introduced everybody once again and then he started asking some questions about the new season.

 

"So, can we expect tension, drama and awesome fights in this season?" He directed the question at Marcus, who was the producer and brain behind the entire show. He was the one who came up with the most ideas and without him the show wouldn't be the same. 

 

"Yes, yes and yes. This season will contain even more great moments and I have to say that our entire crew really created the probably best season." Marcus replied smoothly and Lexa knew that these weren't only empty words, no, their producer really thought very highly of everybody on the entire team. He valued every hard working crew member highly and never tried to conceal it. He never put himself in the focus, but rather the entire crew. In his eyes, a good show is the product of a great team and Lexa fully supported that thought. To her it was more than the script and the actors. There was so much more to a successful series than the part that was in the public. 

 

"One thing that the fans value is that the show doesn't simply focus on fighting and so on, but rather the emotional side as well. Can we expect the same from the new season?" The host asked while looking at Lexa. This was a question the young actress would answer gladly, because she loved that part of the show as well. It wasn't just gore, smashing zombies and rough survival, no there was an emotional side to it and this emotional side was crucial for the character development.

 

"Yes, we have some great, emotional moments in this season. They have always been a very important part and I can only say that the crew overdid themselves once again. I really love the perfect balance of action and feelings. In many shows, the focus is only on one part and the other half doesn't get the attention it needs." She replied with a smile on her face. She loved this show and she loved talking about it. 

 

"That sounds really exciting and I bet everyone here is looking forward to this, right?" He directed this at the fans, who cheered loudly. Yes, they definitely have done a lot correctly, Lexa thought. It was a great sign that the fans were equally as excited as the cast and crew themselves.

 

"So, and now I have a very important question about your character. It's known that her name is Elyza and that she seems to be quite a bad ass. That's at least what the behind the scenes photos suggest. What can we expect of her?"  He asked and Lexa could feel Clarke giving her hand a small squeeze. They had been holding hands under the table for the entire time and Lexa loved the feeling. They had done that very often, even before, well, developing or realizing their feelings for each other, but this? Now, she knew that it held a real meaning and she could only swoon right now. So, she turned and looked at Clarke adoringly, she just couldn't help it. God, was she lucky. She didn't even care that everybody could see her adoration for her co-star, there was no need to make a secret out of it.

 

"Yeah, she really is a bad ass, but it's not that she is a stereotype in any way. I really like how well her character traits fit together. It was hard to portray a character this deep, but it added up in the end. I really love playing her. You can definitely expect some awesome action scenes, but not only that. There are also many emotional scenes that allow you a insight on her feelings." Clarke smiled kindly and Lexa knew that the blonde would probably look at her now if that wouldn't give away too much. They had been instructed to keep a somewhat neutral posture when it came to their scenes together, because up to now, nobody knew of the kind of relationship between their characters. The fact that they will end up together will be unexpected and a huge surprise. Lexa really hoped that the fans will love it as much as she does.

 

"Im sure everyone is excited to see both of you united in the show. Back when it was released that you would play a new character on the show, the excitement couldn't have been bigger." Again, he was interrupted by loud cheering and both Lexa and Clarke couldn't help but chuckle. They both really loved their fans.

 

The host asked some more questions and then it was time for the fans to ask some questions that they want to have answered. Some of them were so incredibly nervous that Lexa wanted to go down there and hug them to tell them that they're simply humans too and that they could ask them anything.

 

From experience, Lexa knew that the fan questions often were much more personal than the official ones and that they focus a little less on the show, but she didn't mind. She wouldn't share everything of course, but she would offer the best answers possible, as long as it wasn't invasive. Clarke and she had both agreed that, in case the question was asked, they won't deny the fact that they're together. For Lexa that would be her official outing, but she didn't think that there were a lot of people out there who didn't know that she was gay. She never made a real secret out of it, but she also never pronounced it. It was something that was normal to her and therefore she didn't care if it was officially known or not. Still, she was a slight bit nervous and she also knew that her manager would probably kill her for it, but she didn't care. That guy is a dick anyway and as soon as Anya, her sister, finishes studying management and business, she would probably give that spot to her sister. Anya was currently taking her master's degree, but would be finished in three months. Her older sister had decided to go to college after finding out that she really would love to work in management. She had been twenty-four when she started and was now twenty-eight.

 

"Um, hi. I'm Amanda." A young girl said through the microphone that had been handed to her. "Hello, Amanda." Lexa replied with a genuine smile. "I, um, wanted to know if there is any relationship in sight for Alicia." The young girl, Amanda, asked which drew a small, from afar unrecognizable smile from Lexa.  _And what a relationship._ Lexa thought to herself, but didn't say it out loud. 

 

"Well, she's been alone for quite some time, now, right? I can't tell you anything specific, but let me tell you that this season really brings some new aspects into my character's life." She replied. Lexa really wanted to share the story of her character and Clarke's but the fans will have to wait and see it themselves when the show would air in a few weeks.

 

It took a few seconds until the next one was handed a mic and was ready to ask a question. Again, it was a girl, but this time she must be around eighteen years old and she also seemed a lot more confident. "Hey, guys. This question is a little personal so tell me if it's too invasive. But, I wanted to know whether you two knew each other before, because you became really close in a matter of weeks." She was probably referring to the endless reports of them as soon as filming started. Because they were living together, they had often been spotted together and therefore, the magazines wrote about them being long time best friends and so on. Hell, they even were writing about them dating when they weren't. 

 

"Well, I'm sure we have been at the same events in the past, but we never really talked before filming this season. On set, we clicked immediately and well we became really close in a matter of weeks. I am incredibly happy that I met her." Clarke replied and looked at Lexa adoringly. It took all her self control to not lean over and kiss the blonde right here and right now, because she was so grateful to have met her as well and even more grateful was she for being so close to Clarke. 

 

"I think so too. Somehow it added up perfectly and now our colleagues are already making fun of us being inseparable." Lexa added with a wink and a broad smile on her face. It was true. Some of their co-stars liked to tease them about acting as if they had known each other forever.

 

The girl nodded and took her seat again, handing the microphone to one of the staffers who handed it down to the next fan, who wanted to ask a question. A young man, probably around their own age got up and smiled at them. Lexa felt as if she had met or at least seen him before, which is possible since he may have attended some other events in the past. "Hey. This question is personal as well and you don't have to answer it, but I have been dying to know the truth. I saw a newspaper article that said that you two were only good friends, but the way you act and the way you look at each other tells me otherwise." He smiles kindly at them and Lexa could feel her breath hitch when she felt Clarke giving her hand a small squeeze of reassurance. Lexa had never been afraid of coming out, but now she was a bit scared. There would be people out there that would dislike her for that because their minds were still stuck in the early 19th century when the woman was more of a servant to her man, and she didn't want to hurt the image of the show, but she knew that she would be incredibly unhappy if she would lie now. 

 

So, she would tell the truth.

 

"Things are still quite new to us, but yes you're very much right." To underline her statement, she lifted their joined hands and  gently kissed Clarke's hand. From the corner of her vision she could see the blonde look at her with so much adoration that it made Lexa's heart flutter. Nobody had ever looked at her with this expression and nobody had ever shown her their feelings this openly. She had never felt so close to anybody in her entire life. 

 

"Congratulations, even if I won't get my chance to ask you out on a date, then." He winked at Clarke who chuckled and grinned.

 

"I'm sorry, but you're right." Clarke answered with a small wink on her own which caused the entire fandom that was in the room to laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

A few more questions had been asked until they could leave the room and go backstage again. The will sign some autographs in a few hours but until then they could just lounge around, as far as that was possible with so many screaming fans in the background. They were in a closed off area but they could still hear them very clearly.

 

"You okay?" Clarke asked. She sat curled up on Lexa's lap and the brunette was stroking softly over her back. Clarke loved cuddling with Lexa and therefore she didn't even hesitate to sit down where she sat now.

 

"More than okay. I'm happy." Lexa replied and gently lifted Clarke's chin with her pointer finger so she could kiss the blonde. The kept it chaste because they both knew that once started, they could probably not stop. And since the room wasn't locked, everybody from their staff could just come in. 

 

"Clarke?" The brunette asked then, which caused Clarke to snap out of her daze. God, how come she always lost herself in these green eyes? They were so incredibly deep and sometimes you could see small flecks of gold in them. On second thought...how could she not lose herself in them? They were simply mesmerizing. She only hummed in reply, because there was no word needed. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Lexa asked with a shy, yet hopeful smile on her face while gently pushing a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. Again, Lexa's tenderness and thoughtfulness made Clarke's heart come close to bursting. 

 

"Yes, absolutely." She replied and then leaned in to capture Lexa's plump lips with her own again.

 

Yes, this show definitely was the best thing that has ever happened to her. Without it she would have probably never really gotten the chance to get to know Lexa the way she did now. 

 

Now, she didn't only get the chance to get to know who Lexa was. No, she also got to know what love felt like.

 

Because she was in love with her girlfriend.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The last weeks had gone by in a blur. Back when they had had that panel, it still had felt like they would be on the road for so much time, but looking back, it wasn't that much time after all. Stressful days that barely left any room for enjoying the time as a fresh couple were straining, but in the end, they both loved to be around their fans. Without them, they wouldn't be where they were at now and they most certainly wouldn't have et each other. So, answering questions from those who brought them where they were was a task of honor for them, even if that meant to postpone future dates and stuff.

 

Now, the entire cast was seated in Marcus' entertainment room and were impatiently waiting for the new season to air. They all knew the plot and they all knew what would come along with the new episodes, but they were excited to see the fans' reactions. All the work they had put into this would be shown to their viewers and now it would become obvious if it had been worth it. All of the actors had a laptop in front of them since they had promised to be live tweeting during the premiere and Lexa caught some of them refreshing the page every twenty seconds. It was a little bit ridiculous to see all those adult professionals being so anxious about their show to air.

 

Well, at least Lexa was anxious for her part. She was every time that something she had worked on as well would be aired. To her it was one of the most important things to know what the fans were thinking and it would absolutely crush her if they wouldn't be happy with the new season. She knew it was ridiculous, because she had seen everybody that was part of staff and cast, work their asses off to make this even better than the previous season. Seriously, overtime to get the perfect shot taken was a common practice while shooting this season and therefore she couldn't think of a reason why the fans would dislike the plot and the quality f this season.

 

Well, there was one reason. The relationship between her and Clarke's character. There were still too many dicks out there who would be ranting about this destroying the series for them, because it was 'not right'. She was afraid that this might backfire at them, because even if it made perfect sense to them, it doesn't mean that the fans will like it. Not that she and Clarke had been on the receiving end of homophobic slurs after making their relationship official, which definitely could be seen as a good sign, but she still wasn't sure about this. Lexa knew that she should trust their fans to be open minded about it and she should ignore those who would be insulting them for this plot twist.

 

"Hey, tapping your foot won't make the time go by faster." Clarke said from her spot beside her while placing a gentle hand on Lexa's thigh. The brunette hadn't even noticed that she had been doing that and immediately stopped the annoying movement. Seriously, she hated it when others did that and therefore she could not believe that she had been doing that herself. She was a professional, she could do this and she could stay calm, or well, she could at least try to not show her nerves anymore. The hand that was currently resting on her leg already did a good job at calming her down significantly.

 

"What if they don't like it? What if they won't be happy about the new season?" Lexa found herself whispering. Normally, she would struggle with voicing her concerns and she would struggle with admitting that she was feeling insecure, but with Clarke it was different. With her girlfriend, she was an open book and she didn't hide her feelings that much. It would still take time to get used to that, but Lexa wanted this so much that she didn't care about it as much. She wanted to be with Clarke and she wanted to show the blonde that she was okay with being who she truly was in front of her. And sometimes that was an insecure mess.

 

"We did our best to make this season so much better than the previous and it's the fans' fault if they refuse to enjoy it. Seriously, everybody put 200 percent effort into this and it seriously is a piece of art. Now we'll have to see if the fans see it the same way." Clarke gently whispered while tucking a strand of brunette hair behind Lexa's ear with the hand that was not resting on Lexa's thigh. "And after this, we'll go on our first proper date, okay?" The blonde smiled and Lexa found herself beaming back at her. She couldn't wait to pamper her girlfriend for an entire evening that would just be about the two of them. 

 

"Stop being all gross over there! The show is about to start!" One of their fellow castmates exclaimed when the first notes of the into song filled the room. And with that, everybody's attention was pinned to the huge screen in front of them while checking their twitter accounts every few seconds as well. It was insane. As soon as the intro was shown, the notifications went wild and the entire cast was found typing as many replies as they could while also commenting on the plot of the episode. Lexa was overwhelmed by all the positive feedback they were receiving right now and she found herself smiling the entire time. Yes, it has been worth all the work and time. 

 

But what totally busted the social network was when Clarke's character made her first appearance. As soon aas the blonde, clad in black pants, boots a white top and a black leather jacket stepped off from her motorcycle, the fans went wild. Lexa could easily picture them staring at the screen with their jaw hanging on the ground, just like she had done when she saw Clarke for the first time. Well, she had hidden her emotions, but seriously, she had wished she had been able to do just that. And then those pants and the leather jacket, boy, her girlfriend was sexy as hell. 

 

"I'm sitting right beside you. You can stare at the original." Clarke smirked from her spot next to Lexa which caused the brunette actor to blush. In all honesty, she was still feeling like a school girl with a huge crush on Clarke, even if she knew that the blonde felt the same thing about her. But, she turned around nonetheless and leaned in to capture those beautiful lips with her own for a short but deep kiss. They were both not great at PDA and therefore they kept it short, even if it was obvious that they both would have liked it to last longer than it had. "The original is mo much better." Lexa smiled and leaned in for a short peck on the lips before adding:" Although, I kinda miss those sunglasses. They're hot on you." Clarke immediately shook her head while smiling back. "Well good that I kept some then." The blonde raised her eyebrow and Lexa chuckled. Yes, she was absolutely happy right now, in fact, so happy and so lost in the moment with her girlfriend that neither of them noticed her castmates taking pictures of them and posting them on twitter. 

 

When they looked both down on their laptops again, they both glared at their cast mates that were smiling at them wickedly, some of them even smirking at them. Te fans of course went wild as soon as the pictures had been uploaded with cheesy descriptions like 'look at them, so sweet!' or other even worse stuff. But in the end, both Clarke and Lexa were happy that the fans were so happy for them and that they were actually waiting for some cute pictures of them. 

 

"That is evidence enough, you both have to be more active on social media!" One of their fellow cast mates exclaimed which was verified by several nods and Clarke and Lexa shaking their heads with huge grins on their faces. Maybe they should really be a bit more active but then it would be nothing out of the usual to post something like this. 

 

"Stop pushing the focus on something other that is not my show right now!" Marcus shouted which caused everybody to laugh. The seasoned producer had seen so many works of his being aired and yet he probably was one of the most nervous people in the entire room. Lexa couldn't blame him though, he was responsible for the show after all. He had the most important job and it would be him who will have to explain the choices that had been made regarding plot, cast and crew. 

 

* * *

 

 

After the episode was over, the entire cast cheered and was happy to see that the feedback had been mostly positive about the start of this season. Seriously, they all had known that it had been much better than the previous season, but in the end it didn't come down to what they thought but to what the fans thought. Plus, the feedback regarding Clarke's new character was absolutely awesome. They all, with small exceptions, had loved the well written character from the moment she stepped off her motorcycle and became part of the group of survivors.

 

Clarke was incredibly grateful for that, because she herself had absolutely fallen in love with her character as soon as she had read the script and character notes that she had received to prepare for the audition. Seriously, Elyza wasn't only some kind of cliche bad ass but the character had a depth that some series could only dream of, plus the fact that she got to make out with Lexa was a huge bonus as well. She will have to thank her manager for making this possible for her.  The young blonde actress had always worked on movies rather than series and this was a new experience for her that she absolutely ravished. Seriously, she had never been more happy than she was right now.

 

After they all said their goodbyes, they all went home to relax now that the stressful wait was over. It was the first night that wouldn't be followed up by some hectic event in the morning for the young couple and let's just say, they planned on enjoying this as much as they could. They had no idea when and if they would start shooting the new season of the series, because they had to wait for the approval of the channel they were working for. They decided whether or not it would be a good idea to renew the expensive series for a new season or not. But, after the response they all received from the fans, Clarke had no doubt that they would be filming the new season sooner than she might think. Although, the managers will probably still wait for the turn out of at least half of this season, mostly because of the feedback regarding the plot. It was a common practice to do that and therefore, Clarke wouldn't be sure about the renewal until she heard about it. 

 

For now, they had some time off, well more or less at least. They both had to attend to several different events and interviews but that was part of their job description and so they weren't bothered by it. 

 

When they stepped into the apartment, they both kicked off their shoes before plopping down on the couch. The exhaustion of the stress they had endured was now settling in and they both were tired as hell. "This went pretty well, I think." Lexa stated with the smallest of smiles while gently pushing a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. The blonde smiled right back and leaned into the touch. It felt so good to finally be able to do that without a camera there and without having to find a silly excuse for it (*cough* 'practice'). She leaned in and gently kissed the brunette's plump lips. Clarke couldn't get enough of this feeling. Her stomach fluttered and she could feel herself grin into the kiss because she was so incredibly happy. 

 

"Better than well. It was awesome." She said with a smirk when they parted again and pressed their foreheads together. There was a moment of silence, both simply relishing the feeling of being by themselves for once until Clarke spoke up again. "Did I ever thank you?" She asked, her voice suddenly barely above a whisper. 

 

"What for?" The brunette asked and Clarke could feel how she scrunched her eyebrows together. the blonde immediately chuckled. Of course, Lexa would not know what she was thanking her for even if it was the most obvious thing. There were so many things that she had to thank her girlfriend for but there were a few things that were of more importance than anything else. 

 

"First of all, you let me live with you when my stupid ass of an ex left me homeless for a week." She paused for a short moment and she could feel Lexa starting to speak up, but she shushed her immediately. She wasn't finished yet. "Then, you let me sleep in your bed because Miss over here is afraid of sleeping alone." Again a little pause and again wanted Lexa to speak up but Clarke beat her to it. "You helped me coming to terms with how fucked up my relationship with Finn was and you helped me during the aftermath when that seemed to be the only thing the press was interested in. You took my hand and lead me through every obstacle that we encountered. So thank you for that. And thank you for being who you are." The blonde closed her statement and she could a small tear slipping down her left cheek. Yes, Lexa was making her be an overemotional mess.

 

 Her girlfriend made quick work of brushing that tear away before Clarke could feel her lean in to kiss her passionately. Sometimes it were Lexa's actions that spoke so much more than words ever could and therefor, Clarke didn't need her to say anything. She was happy with losing herself in the kiss that was quickly growing more and more heated. They have had by far not enough time to spend some quality time together. 

 

After they pulled apart, Clarke leaned her head onto Lexa's shoulder and she could feel the brunette wrapping her arm around her waist. It didn't take long for Clarke to fall asleep right there where she sat, wrapped up in her girlfriends embrace. She didn't notice how Lexa gently lifted her up and carried her over to the bed that they had been sharing for quite some time now. She only woke up for a short moment after Lexa had called her name softly. "Clarke, you need to change. Otherwise you will be uncomfortable." The brunette said with a small smirk on her face when Clarke had merely grumbled and tried to curl herself up on the bed even more. "Don't wanna." She had merely said after a short moment. "Sleep in jeans." She hazily added. Even the smallest movement was not something she had planned on doing now, because she was so, so tired.

 

"Then you will wake up in a few hours and feel uncomfortable. Come, I'll help you." Lexa said with the small smirk still plastered on her face. Under different circumstances, Clarke might have been annoyed by that, but now she was too tired to do even that. Now she just let it slip in favor of slowly drifting in and out of sleep again. She knew that she should change and Lexa was totally right, but she just couldn't bring herself to move. 

 

She faintly heard Lexa sigh before she could feel her girlfriends hands on her hips, effectively turning her around. Again, Clarke merely grumbled and nearly spat out an insult, but in the end she didn't.

 

A far too long while later that involved far too much moving, Clarke found herself under the blanket wearing comfortable sweatpants and a too big T-Shirt from Lexa's closet. The brunette had really been consistent in her tries to make Clarke change into comfortable clothes and at some point, the blonde had just given in because she knew that Lexa would never do that. It was sweet of her to be this caring and Clarke felt kinda bad for being such a horrible person to her but well, excusing her behavior would require moving and that was something she didn't plan on doing until she woke up tomorrow morning. 

 

"Goodnight." Was the last thing she heard from Lexa before finally falling asleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa woke up early next morning and since she knew that it would still take at least two if not three or four hours for Clarke to wake up as well, she quickly freshened up in the bathroom and then grabbed her laptop. She wanted to reply to some more tweets that she didn't get to answer last night and now she had the time to do so, so why not? She replied to so many tweets that she had lost count and she still wasn't even close to reply to everyone. That was something she sadly had to give up on anyways since the fandom of the series was simply too huge.

 

After three hours or something, she noticed Clarke stirring next to her and she smiled happily at the adorable sight of her girlfriend waking up. Clarke wasn't really a morning person, especially not when there was no coffee, but Lexa didn't care. She loved that about Clarke. It was just who she was and Lexa was happy to have her in her life. 

 

"Good morning." She smiled down at Clarke who was now opening her eyes slowly. She quickly leaned down to peck her girlfriend's lips, morning breath or not, before putting her laptop away in order to get up. 

  
"Stay. Warm." Clarke mumbled and Lexa almost found herself slipping back under the sheets to keep her girlfriend warm, but she wanted to make her breakfast in bed so she kinda had to get up.

 

"I'll make you breakfast. Stay were you are." She smiled and gently pushed a stand of blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. Yes, this was definitely something she could get used to. Waking up next to her, making her breakfast, making her smile hazily just like she did now. This was what Lexa had always dreamed of and she will do everything in her might to keep it this way, if that was what Clarke wanted, of course.

 

She quickly rummaged through the kitchen and prepared a delicious breakfast for the blonde. She even made some pancakes, fried a few eggs and bacon. The brunette quickly put it all on a tray and walked back into the bedroom where she had left her girlfriend behind in favor of putting this meal together for her. She smiled widely when she saw Clarke grin at her as soon as she opened the door. Yes, they were cheesy dorks, but at least Lexa for her part was proud of it.

 

"You are an angel." The still sleepy blonde exclaimed when she saw all the various foods on the tray in front of her. Lexa chuckled and shook her head. "Hardly. I am a bad ass." She replied with a smirk which was answered by Clarke laughing. Hard.

 

"Sorry, babe, but you're absolutely not." She said with a shake of her head. The term of endearment wasn't lost on Lexa and she smiled when she heard it.

 

Yes, this was definitely something she could get used to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
